Hiatt - Party of 4

Our first cast experience

2012-02-10T23:01:00.002-08:00

Monday I got a call at work. Zach's teacher tells me that he fell off the monkey bars at school. He cried a bit and they took him to the nurses office and iced it and he seemed ok. He was moving it fine and he did the hand motion to apply hand sanitizer so it didn't appear broken. They sent him home on the bus but to keep an eye on it. I asked him about it Monday night and he told us he fell and was sorta babying it but seemed ok.

Tuesday I get a text from our daycare provider. Zach fell on the same wrist and he cried a little. They were icing it and he was moving it fine and he was happily watching a cartoon. I called our pediatricians nurse and she said to watch it for a few days and if it didn't improve, to call them and we would have it checked out.

We noticed him not moving it at all Tuesday night (he could move it, but chose not to). He wouldn't pull his pants up or use it to do anything. First thing Wednesday we make appointments and get him in for an x-ray. Chris had taken him to the doctor so they were spending the afternoon together and our doctor called and said it was in fact fractured.

Today we took the day off and took him for his cast. We were pretty concerned about how he would act. He gets very anxious around doctors, nurses, medical facilities, anything that remotely looks like it might be out to get him.

After a bit of stalling on Zach's part we finally distracted him enough to get the cast on. He was excited to pick his favorite color!

When we were walking out of the office Zach said to me with a giggle in his voice "I was a little nervous in there". Melt. My. Heart.

Through this whole ordeal this week he has been so tough. He really didn't complain about it much and went to school almost all week.

We were so proud of him for being so brave that we did what any parent would. Took him to the toy store!

I went in to check on him tonight and he just looks even more grown up than he did last night.

But when I see him laying there all grown up... I still see this

Motivation

2012-02-09T07:39:00.000-08:00

A few weeks ago we were in Costco and I had Hannah in the cart. The lady was behind us in line and she was striking up a conversation about how her brother has an extra chromosome too and how handsome she thought Zach was.

Then she looked at me and Hannah and said "WOW! Someone really looks like their mommy!". The look on Hannah's face was priceless. She was beaming. She was proud.

It made me feel all warm and fuzzy but as the day went on it made me think about how much I want to be a mom for her to be truly proud of. I need to be the mom to shed this weight and be a healthier version of myself. For me AND for her.

I am proud to say that in the first 4 weeks, I am down 15 lbs and I am still going strong.

I want to feel like the mom that I see in my daughters eyes when she looks at me.

Dancing Queen

2012-02-06T15:19:00.000-08:00

Ever since we took Hannah to see The Nutcracker she has been very interested in ballet and asked to take dance classes. Conveniently, a new dance studio opened close to our house this month! She had her first class on Saturday and while she was the only student this week, she loved it. She learned some steps and started learning the routine for their recital in May!

Supper Club

2012-01-25T07:24:00.000-08:00

After the first of the year a dear friend of mine sent out an email to 5 of us. Asking if we wanted to be part of a supper club. I didn't research what it was, I just said "Of course!" because... who would pass up time where we can hang around, chat, eat and the kids are entertained with friends?!

We all got together this past Saturday and had a blast! The food was delicious. The kids well behaved. And the conversation was perfect.

Mandy started a blog for our Supper Club and reading through it made me so excited for our future gatherings. Check it out here and keep watching for the recipes!!

As heard...

2012-01-24T15:54:00.000-08:00

The other day Hannah and I disagreed on something and she got upset and stormed into her room, threw herself on her bed, and sobbed. (seriously... she's only 4?!?!)

I went in and we talked about it and I left her room. She continued to lay there. Chris went in and lay down next to her.

Hannah turned to Chris and said "Daddy. You are the only one who understands me".

Seriously?

As heard...

2012-01-21T16:47:00.000-08:00

We joined some of my family at Gilroy Gardens to experience the Holiday Lights that they put on for the holidays. Walking in we were overwhelmed with the beauty of the light displayed. Hannah had fallen asleep in the car so was quietly in the stroller under a blanket. As we were walking in Hannah says to me

"Mama... My eyes are watering because it is so beautiful, I have tears."

2011 - Year in Review - The Final Installment

2012-01-20T22:26:00.000-08:00

If you haven't read the rest of the year. Get caught up here
Part 1
Part 2
Part 3
Part 4

November-
We spent Thanksgiving at my grandmothers. It was great to spend a few days with her and we all loved our time there. We had an awesome dinner and then played ChickenFoot!

The kids with GG

The next day we went to Happy Hollow. Chris and I had both been there many times as kids but hadn't been in at least 2 decades. They have done tons of renovations and added little rides for the kids. It was such a good time.

The puppet show

Hannah was excited to go on this ride. Watch the sequence of events

As the ride started going up Zach got really excited and started laughing... and then...

Right about this point she is screaming "THIS IS NOT FUN!!!!"

After that ordeal, of course we told her she did not have to go on anything. Of course she wanted to try. Every ride after that she had to scope out for a minute and see how it worked

Doing the maze with Daddy

This is the crooked house. When Chris and I were kids you used to be able to play inside of it. You could go upstairs and from there, there was a slide that went out the front door. You can no longer go into the house but the structure is still there and brought back memories!

While Hannah wasn't into the rides... she loved to pet and feed the animals

The goat tried to eat Hannah's shirt. She thought that was pretty funny and she talked about it for days

Zach was loving the rope walk on the playground

December-
Another busy month. I will try and condense as much as possible.
My mom and I took Hannah to her first ballet, The Nutcracker. She was in awe. We had front row seats and it was such a memorable day. First, we went to lunch at the Madonna Inn

Our friends Tara and Arabella were just a couple seats over. The girls looked so grown up

After the ballet the ballerinas went into the lobby for pictures. Hannah was star struck and timidly went up to them and asked to take a picture

This is Hannah with 'Clara'

Christmas Eve. Making cookies for Santa

He liked watching the mixer

Christmas Eve they got to have 1 gift. PJs of course!

Putting carrots out for the reindeer

Not really sure what they are doing here. Singing a Christmas Carol maybe?

The one thing Hannah asked Santa for this year - Baby Ariel

Ready to go to Nana's house for Christmas afternoon and dinner

They love their Uncle Brian

We are so blessed to live in such a gorgeous area. The weather on Christmas was beautiful and we took a walk on the beach before dinner

I took a lot of great pictures this year but I think this is my favorite

The day after Christmas we drove up to Chris' parents house for a couple days. They just moved back to California from Texas so this was the first time we were able to see them around the holidays. Sadly I had a terrible cold so I didn't get too many pictures. We will have to make another visit soon!

Hannah making breakfast with Grandpa

The boys took a trip into town one day (about 45 minutes away). Grandma and Hannah had fun making a gingerbread house

This year in review became much longer than I expected but going back through all these pictures made me smile. Our year was so full of love and memories. After the nightmare that was 2010, it was much needed. I am so excited to see what 2012 is going to hold!

2011 - Year in Review - Part 4

2012-01-20T21:29:00.000-08:00

October-
Of course, Halloween! We went to a few events so Hannah had a couple different costumes that she wanted to wear out of her dress up clothes. Zach was Batman!

One big milestone happened in October. We took our first camping trip as a family! Now granted, we were only about an hour away and we only went for one night, but it went pretty well. Chris hasn't sworn it off at least. That is a good sign. We went with a few families of friends so we all shared cooking duties and kept an eye on each others kids. We got a great campsite right by the playground and there were so many deer that would walk up so close to us. The kids were in awe and truth be told, so was I! We had beautiful weather and the kids had a blast playing in the lake.

This is the "but I don't want to leave mama" face

The next morning the girls were playing in our tent and Zach walked over there. There was a little baby fawn going potty by our tent! Zach had to show the girls.

The girls looking at the deer on the grass next to our campsite

The deer were curious while we ate breakfast

OK this post became really picture heavy. So really... the next one... Final Installment!

2011 - Year in Review - Part 3

2012-01-09T20:19:00.000-08:00

July brought lots of days at the beach and memories made. July also brought Hannah starting her new preschool where she has blossomed into such an independent young girl.

Here she is on her first day

Blowing bubbles off of Nana's deck on the 4th of July

July and August also brought Project Surf Camp!! For the second year Zach participated in surf camp. He did 2 camps this year and Hannah was so excited to do it too! Such a great experience for my kiddos and I am so thankful they are able to experience it. Can't wait for this years camps!

Hi-5's while getting his award

Zach with the PSC founder John Taylor

In September Hannah turned 4 and we surprised the kids with a trip to Disneyland! They had no idea! We just put them in the car in the morning and told them we were taking a drive. They were SO shocked when we got there! Truth be told, Disneyland is one of my favorite places and I love taking the kids there.

Hannah was so excited to meet Rapunzel and Flynn Rider!

Zach asked Flynn what was in his satchel. Imagine Hannah's surprise when she got to wear Rapunzel's crown!!!

We got to see lots of characters

On Hannah's birthday we had lunch with the princesses at Ariel's Grotto. She was in heaven!!

After Zach got over his "I no like princesses" mood he tracked them down and got in on some princess love

Both days we were there we spent time at the pool. The kids could not get enough of the water slide!

Zach is a little, ok a lot, obsessed with Phineas and Ferb. Imagine his excitement when there was a dance party and he got to dance with them!!!

There were so many more amazing memories from our trip but I will stop there.

The final installment of our year in review is coming shortly. Stay tuned!

2011 - Year in Review - Part 2

2012-01-08T22:28:00.000-08:00

June-

This June my big boy turned 7!! We didn't do a big party or anything this year, he was happy with low key. He was so happy to go visiting family, that was his birthday celebration! He was excited to get some Phineas and Ferb toys from Nana as that is his current cartoon obsession.

In addition to Zach's birthday we had a very busy month! The weekend before Zach's birthday we headed to Sacramento where my beautiful niece was graduating from high school.

My 2 princesses:

SO proud of this girl:

Mimis and her mom (Her mom taught me to drive.Many years ago!)

Me and Hannah at the graduation

We jumped at the chance to spend several days to visit family while we were up there. The first couple nights we stayed with my best friend. We have been best friends for 28 years. I was so excited to get to spend some days with her and her beautiful family and get to know her baby boy more. Sadly, we ended up with no pictures of her and I! I am always the one behind the camera.

So awesome to see our kids together:

Our guys:

Zach lovin' on Baby Chance:

LOVE this picture of our baby boys:

Suneet was trying to teach the kids how to play something on the piano. By the kids faces... you can tell what was really going on:

After a couple days there, we went to spend some time with my Aunt and Uncle and my cousins and their families. It was WAY overdue.

Hannah was on an Ariel kick that week

I got to meet my cousins baby for the first time! He is so stinkin cute!!

I think one of the most heart warming parts of our trip was seeing Zach and Gabe together. I have posted before about my cousin and her amazing boy. I loved that we both dressed our boys in orange that day! (once we dressed Zach and Gabe in the same outfit for school. 300 miles away. I posted a picture of Zach and she said "Hey ... Gabe wore the same thing to school today!!)

Zach wanted to help Auntie Dani feed Gabers his lunch and he liked giving him his drinks

Beautiful boys

June also brought the Buddy Walk but I think i will save that post for DS awareness month. June was so busy!! Stayed tuned for Part 3 of the year in review!!

2011 - Year in Review - Part 1

2011-12-16T08:24:00.000-08:00

I just realized I only have 8 posts for the entire year of 2011. And one of them was about Christmas from last year. I have been seriously slacking. I am going to post a quick review of our year and beg that you forgive my absence and stay tuned for more frequent updates.

January -
We spent some time remembering how much we love where we live. The beach. In January.

The beginning of the year was overall slow for us. In April, the kids experienced their first hail storm.

Don't mind the fact that my kids have on no socks and no shoes in some pictures. We live in California and don't see hail storms much and if we do, they pass quickly. I didn't want the kids to miss it so they threw on the closest shoes they could find.

May-

Hannah got her first haircut! I was sad to see her last little curls on the bottom to be cut but it was time. We cut off almost 8 inches in some spots. Brushing her hair is a nightmare. Still. This at least helped a little bit for awhile.

I have decided that this post has gotten way too long. I am going to break this recap up into a few posts.

Stay tuned for the summer edition!

Shaking the dust off.....

2011-12-15T21:25:00.000-08:00

...... of this blog.

I haven't been writing much in the last year and I do miss it. Over the years it has been therapeutic writing about the kids and life and Down syndrome. I love going back and reading the posts and seeing how much the kids have grown.

Rarely do I write about me. I have been thinking lately that I want to start writing more about me and using this to record some of my thoughts and talk about what I am up to. Next year I am vowing to be way more active. Not only me, but as a family. For all of us. I need to lose a large amount of weight and maybe if I talk about it more with others it will keep me accountable. In 2009 I lost 48 pounds in about 6 months. When I hit 50 I was going to post about it on here. I didn't hit 50. Then life got in the way and I stopped working on the weight loss. In 2010 life got crazy with ... well a lot!(you can go back and read the posts). And then Hannah turned 3 and officially entered CrazyTown and truth be told... I would have a glass of wine, or sometimes 3, a couple nights a week. It seemed to take the edge off of the stress of everything and those calories added up and back came the 50 lbs!

So I ask you... do this with me. Post comments and let me know you are with me. If we are Facebook friends we can stay in touch and motivate each other. I have also joined a couple friends on FitnessPal. It is a great free program that you can help make things a little easier.

2012 is going to rock. I can feel it!

Happy Birthday Hannah!

2011-09-12T09:00:00.000-07:00

Dear Hannah,

You are now 4 and the lovely sweet girl that you are is re-emerging. 3 was hard. Really hard. You pushed every boundary you could find. You averaged more fits a day than I can keep track of. You told me and your dad that you hated us.

The fog is lifting and we are communicating better. It was definitely not all you. I am still learning how to effectively parent a "spirited" child. It is a learning process for us both.

Your gigantic heart is emerging and showing us that compassionate, loving, smart, beautiful girl that I know you are.

You recently started at a new preschool and you are learning so much. You are becoming even more independent and confident.

I am so proud to be your mom. That fog, that was 3, just goes to show how strong willed and passionate you are going to be as you grow to be an amazing young woman.

I love you more than you will ever know Hannah.

Happy 7th Birthday Zachary!

2011-06-22T09:48:00.000-07:00

Little Dude,

I know, I know.. you would correct me and say "not little dude... big boy"... but you are my little dude. You make my heart swell with love and pride on a daily basis. Your amazing spirit and ginormous heart makes my world so much better than I ever imagined. I love our cuddle time every night and how the weight of your body just sinks into me and I wrap my arms around your back. You use "we cuddle?" as a negotiation to agree to do things at night. Shower, brush teeth, etc. But what you don't realize is that I want that cuddle time just as much as you do and hope you never stop wanting that as part of our evening routine.

I love you buddy.

As heard....

2011-06-02T19:46:00.000-07:00

Tonight the kids were getting ready for bed. They had their jammies on, Zach was going potty and Hannah walks by the piles of their dirty clothes on the floor.

Hannah: Ew! Zach has a birth mark..... Ew! So do I.

Me: Skid mark Hannah. The word you are looking for is skid mark.

Stroke Awareness Month

2011-05-31T09:16:00.000-07:00

May is stroke awareness month and since today is the last day of the month, I wanted to get something posted. I wanted to write out a long moving post but I got nothin'. But.. I wanted to re-share our story to remind people to know the signs. Know that many young people suffer from strokes. Trust your instincts. If something seems off, ask questions. Don't let them rest. Get help FAST.

Use FAST to remember the warning signs:

F: Face - Ask the person to smile. Does one side of the face droop?
A: Arms - Ask the person to raise both arms. Does one arm drift downward?
S: Speech - Ask the person to repeat a simple phrase. Is their speech slurred or strange?
T: Time - If you observe any of these signs, call 911 immediately.

An interesting fact that I have read is that only 3% of stroke victims can get the TPA treatment because most people do not get to a hospital in time to have it administered. Every minute that passes increases your chances of having a residual effects from the stroke. Side effects that could be debilitating and lifelong.

I am so thankful that I trusted my gut and called 911 quickly when Chris had his stroke. Our future could have been drastically different had he not received treatment as quickly as he did.

Wordless Wednesday

2011-05-25T08:34:00.001-07:00

As heard....

2011-05-20T08:14:00.000-07:00

This morning we were discussing sleeping arrangements for the night. Chris' mom is coming for an overnight visit and we are going to have her sleep in Zach's bed. We asked Hannah if she was ok with Zach sleeping in her room with her. Her response...

"No... it will smell like boy"

.........

"But Hannah... Daddy sleeps in our room and he is a boy... does my room smell like boy?"

.........

"True"

As heard...

2011-05-01T17:44:00.000-07:00

The other day Hannah was eating an apple and had some interesting things to say

Hannah: "Mom... an apple tree is going to grow in my stomach"

Me: "Why, did you swallow an apple seed?"

Hannah: "No"

A few moments later....

Hannah: "Mom... a booger tree is going to grow in my stomach"

Me: holding back the laughter "Why, did you eat a booger?"

Hannah: "Yes, the other day at Miss Cindy's house"

Me: "Hannah... please don't eat your boogers"

Christmas

2011-01-07T20:02:00.000-08:00

Another Christmas has passed us and as always, we had a great holiday. The kids really embraced Santa and was excited about him bringing them presents and filling their stockings. On Christmas Eve, Zach was convinced that Santa was not coming. He explained to us, numerous times, that one of the elves had a cough and Santa had to stay at the North Pole to take care of him. Because of this he did not want to make cookies for Santa or put out carrots for the reindeer. Later that night, Zach came down with croup and we sat in a steamy bathroom helping him breathe. In the middle of the night on Christmas night, it was Hannah. So.. needless to say.. that was not a fun part of the holiday yet seems fitting after the year we have had. Christmas day itself was nice so we are left with some great memories.

Here are some pictures from our holiday season...

The kids on the carousel at our towns "Winter Wonderland" celebration

Meeting Mr. and Mrs. Claus. While in line, Zach insisted that he would not be speaking to Santa or taking a picture. When it came to be our turn.. this is what happened...

Hannah had her first chance to ride on a horse and she LOVED it

Hannah and I making cookies for Santa (yes, I used break and bakes... don't judge.. it was a busy day!)

Hannah putting out carrots for the reindeer

Hannah putting the cookies out for Santa. This picture makes me laugh... as she was walking the plate over to the table.. one of the cookies fell... I told her she could eat it. Then she wanted to eat them all. I told her she couldn't and this was the face I got

Digging into their stockings on Christmas morning

After opening presents, having breakfast and playing with toys for awhile, we drove over the hill to Nana's house (my mom) for more presents and Christmas dinner.

Zach helping Nana make gravy

Zachary having an after dinner nap with Uncle Brian (and yes.. they were both really asleep. In fact, there was snoring)

Just when you think things can't get worse....

2010-12-09T20:25:00.000-08:00

I haven't posted much lately. I haven't had anything funny, witty or inspiring to say. (I know, I know... you all are thinking that I NEVER have anything funny, witty or inspiring to say). Chris gave me the green light to let people know what is going on.. so here goes...

The last time I posted about Chris was when he had the loop recorder inserted. Last week he went and had the data "intercepted" as they call it. His cardiologist called on Friday to let us know the details. In the 3 week period since he had it placed, his heart stopped at least 85 times. For 4-5 seconds each time. Completely flat lined.

Eighty. Five. Times.

Now, count 5 seconds. One one thousand. Two one thousand. Three one thousand. Four one thousand. Five one thousand. Now imagine that whole time your heart didn't beat.

Doesn't seem possible, right? But ya, that is what is heart is doing. An average of 4 times a day. And generally it is not when he is sleeping.

His cardiologist also informed us that he needs a pacemaker and he needs it sooner than later. If he does not agree to have it done before Christmas time, he will report Chris to the DMV and have his drivers license pulled. He referred us to another cardiologist in his practice to discuss the procedure since he does not place pacemakers himself. After a long weekend of emotions and discussions we decided to wait and see what the doctor we are referred to says. We met with this doctor on Wednesday. He studied all the data and shows us the scans where you can see his heart stop. I asked him if he agrees with the time frame that Chris' cardiologist gave us which was before Christmas. He said that is being very generous and that it really should happen this week. Being that Chris is still on blood thinners it cant happen just yet. He has to be off those meds for a few days. We are waiting to hear from scheduling to set the date but it could happen as early as next Tuesday.

This is all very hard on Chris because he feels perfectly fine. Doesn't get light headed like they say he should be. The doctor that we met with this week said that isn't abnormal. A lot of people don't feel anything. Until it is too late.

I am really ready to be able to sleep well at night and not wake up in the morning and hold my breath until I hear that he is still breathing.

I will keep updating as we have information but for now, please say a prayer that he continues to feel good until the surgery can happen and that the surgery is uncomplicated.

Down syndrome... a dads story

2010-12-09T09:16:00.000-08:00

During 31 for 21 I asked Chris if he wanted to write something about Zach. He sent it to me but I misunderstood and thought it was not a final draft. Silly me. Sorry it took so long Chris!

I remember when Zach was born. It was one of the happiest days of my life. All I could think about was the soccer playing Hiatt boy running up and down the field and owning the players because of stuff that I had taught him.

I was the one that got to take him to his first bath and hang out with him in the nursery. It was a very special time for me as a new dad. I could barely contain how happy I was and think about all the things he and I would do. I just could not wait to watch him grow and become the boy that I longed for.

We were so ready to go home and start our life with our new born when the news was told to us about the possibility of Down syndrome. The way the doctor told us made me want to reach out and shake her for more information other than that the social worker would come in and talk to us. The social worker was actually a blessing in disguise. I do not remember her name but we got more information from her and what was going to be happening to us as a family then the doctor provided in the whole 30 minutes we saw her in the 3 days she came to check on Zach. We were told we were moving to the NICU and that he would remain there until his jaundice was good enough for him to go home with us. We were also told that it unfortunately be 2 weeks before we had conclusive proof if he truly had Down syndrome.

We cried…A LOT! We were not prepared for this. We asked all kinds of questions of doctors and nurses who came into the room. We did not believe what they were saying and they must be wrong because so many doctors did not see the markings and the traits that are associated with Down syndrome.

Zach was moved to the NICU and we went home quick to grab a change of clothes and rushed back to the hospital. We met the head of the NICU who was very cold and very straight forward with us. She told us that Zach would never play any contact sports and that he was not really going to do much. The one good thing that she did for us in the beginning was pulled some strings so that the conclusive test would be done before the end of the weekend and we not go home without knowing for sure.

We spent just about every waking moment with Zach and even woke up at 2 am to feed him and for Jen to pump. The nurses were awesome and super understand and friendly. I think that they understood that this was a child whom these parents loved more than can be imagined. The nurses knew that physically there was nothing we could other than to be there for their child and love him unconditionally.

I think that it was Saturday when the head of the NICU called us over and gave us the news that she had received the test results back from Stanford. The tests came back positive for Trisony 21 and that she was sorry. She was still very cold and reserved. I was not a big fan and I remember thinking and even telling Jen how much I was not a big fan of hers. We cried I think at the realization that what we kind of dismissed as a false reading was coming true.

Zach’s bilirubin finally got to level’s that the nurses and doctors in the NICU felt were ok for him to be released. It was at that point that attitudes and feeling changed. The nurses who were always sweet became happier for us being able to take home our son. The head of the NICU became a totally different person. I think that she was so used to having to deliver bad news she was always in her cold doctor form and now we got to take home our son she was very excited for us and talked to us like new parents. We were very excited!

While he was in the hospital I decided I was going to give up all my physical activities that I did for fun. No more soccer because from what I was told Zach would never play sports of any kind. It was not until after we left the hospital that I found out that Down syndrome was not a burden or hindrance but more of a different life experience. Zach was healthy and there were several well documented cases of kids with Down syndrome playing sports and even excelling at them.

Today Zach is on a special needs soccer team. He has played now for almost 3 years on this team. He is still small and probably one of the youngest on the team at 6 but he is out there chasing after the ball with his mom and dad and sister on the sidelines cheering him on. I am still playing as well and it does bring a sense of joy to see him out there running around and having such a good time. I think that in a few years when both he and his sister are playing in different leagues that he will be a force on the field and a scoring machine.

I look back at all of the fear and worry that I had when I was told he would be just a kid who did nothing and it makes me smile because I never met that kid and the only child that I see is one that is going 100 mph from start to finish whether it is soccer or school or even life.

Zach's teacher...

2010-11-16T14:33:00.000-08:00

In October I mentioned to Zach's teacher that I was doing the 31 for 21 and if she so felt inclined, to write a little blurb about Zach. She emailed it to me today and it filled my heart with joy to read it.

Teachers, especially special ed teachers, are truly unsung heroes. Zach's aides and teachers mean so much to our family and I am so thankful for them.

Zach Hiatt embodies exuberance as well as heart. Zach is in my class at school, and I am lucky enough to be Zach’s teacher. Zach’s smile just lights up our room. Every morning, he’s got the greatest hello for everyone. When he shares something during group time, his story is punctuated with gestures and demonstrations like when he says, “I’m Buzz Light Year, to infinity and beyond!” with a swish of his cape and a leap.

Not only is Zach exuberant, he’s got a great heart. One day, I was having some medical issues so I took the morning off of school to see a specialist. When I returned, the sub teacher was finishing reading a book to the students. I quietly sat down on the floor next to Zach. Zach beamed and leaned into me and said, “Rhonda, we missed you.” My heart melted. It felt good to be missed. Then Zach said, “Where were you?” and I said at the Dr.’s office. Zach then said, “Are you, O.K., Rhonda?” When I told him I was O.K., Zach said, “Did the Dr. give you a lollipop?” That cracked me up. It felt good to laugh.

I feel so privileged to be Zach’s teacher, and I often wonder, “Who’s teaching who?” because I learn so much from Zach’s love of life and his tender, good heart. I love watching him grow up and learn new things—every day it’s something new with Zach! The latest thing is “I got it, Rhonda.” Thank you, Zach, for all you bring to all of our lives!

Teacher Rhonda

Thank you Teacher Rhonda. For everything that you do.

Chris' surgery...

2010-11-09T21:39:00.000-08:00

Sunday afternoon Chris, my mom and I drove down to the Burbank/Glendale area and got checked into our hotel. Took part in the hotels complimentary happy hour and then took a walk to find dinner. After that we called it and night and we all went to bed. Monday morning we were to report to the hospital at 10am to get checked in and for things to get going. When the hospital called me on Friday to go over the pre-admitting stuff, they also informed me that he was scheduled for a transesophageal echocardiogram, or TEE, at 12pm. They also needed to do pre-op lab work.

We left the hotel at 9am, not knowing what to expect from LA traffic. We made it to the hospital fairly quickly and the thoughtful guy Chris is, he went and filled the van up with gas so we didn't have to worry about it when it was time to make the drive home. We parked at the hospital and headed in to find admitting. We got through admitting about 9:30 and the guy who did all our admitting paperwork walked us to a lobby and told us to wait there and someone would come get us. We waited a very long time but there were also others who were there for tests and what not who had been waiting over an hour so while we were annoyed we didn't think anything of it. At 10:50am my cell phone rang. It was a nurse from the Short Stay area calling to see where we were. Once we rushed to where we should have been all along they got things going. The drew his blood, started his IV and got him hooked up to the monitors. They explained that the doctor performing the TEE wanted the blood work back before they could proceed so they were rushing that process. Things were moving right along and on schedule to start the TEE at noon. The specialist doing the surgery came in around 11:45am to check in with him. Shortly after they informed us that his blood work had been lost at the lab and they would be coming to re-draw it. They called the doctor doing the TEE and let him know things would be delayed about an hour. Shortly after, they found the blood. It had gotten stuck in the tube between the nurses station and the lab. By this time the doctor had already delayed getting there for the TEE and the specialist doing the surgery was not happy. Blood results were finally in and they inform me that they are going to do the TEE and then take him right in for surgery so it would be about 4 hours or so until the doctor came to talk to me.

We decided to grab some lunch while we waited but first we were going to unload some of the stuff we had in the car. We had a laptop, Chris' PSP, magazines, etc. Too many things to be dragging around the hospital that we weren't utilizing. We asked a nurse where the cafeteria and she explained that they had some food for sale but that their main cafeteria was under construction. We decided that since we had so much time, we would leave and grab some lunch and come back. We paid the $6 daily max for the parking garage. The parking garage that does not have in and out privileges. I drove around for a bit and found an El Torito. It was packed but we went for it anyway. We sat down and decided on their lunch buffet. The server came by and informed us that it was $3 Margarita Monday. Yes Please! I took a couple sips and it was heavenly. Cheap low quality tequila was just what I needed to take the edge off. I told my mom I felt guilty for not being at the hospital but admitted that it was a great distraction. I was getting a plate of food when my cell phone rang. I stepped outside to take it since it was really loud and crowded (It was $3 margaritas after all). It was the hospital. The nurse was frantic asking where I was. Long story short... they forgot to have Chris sign the consent form. FOR THE SURGERY. And being that he was already sedated he could not sign it. So I needed to sign it. And they couldn't start the surgery until I signed it. I told her I was on my way. I went back inside to tell my mom and decided that I couldn't have been very far from the hospital and I wasn't going to deal with parking and leaving again so I decided to jog/walk back to the hospital. I grabbed my handy IPhone, pulled up my GPS, and took off. It was a little less than a mile away. I probably made it back faster than I would have driving. As I am walking in the hospital my phone is ringing again. It is one of the doctors in the cath lab looking for me. Because... you know... Chris is LAYING ON THE TABLE. I sign the form. Asked 5 times if there is anything they could possibly need for me to be there for and walked back to lunch.

We finished up pretty quick and got back to the hospital. We expected to wait another 2+ hours to hear something so we set up camp in the waiting room. Shortly after someone called the volunteer desk to ask if anyone was there for Chris. I got a sinking feeling in my stomach. The doctor came out and sat down to talk to me. He explained that they were not able to do the ablation. He said, several times, that Chris' heart is "very abnormal". When they went in they shocked his heart back to a normal rhythm and his heart rate was low, which I could have told them would happen. Then he started looking around and he explained that all of the electrical currents in Chris' heart reacted very abnormally when he went near them. Because of that he did not feel comfortable doing the ablation because he felt there was no way he would have gotten off the table without a pacemaker and at his age they obviously want to do everything they can to avoid that. He called Chris' local cardiologist and discussed what was going on with him and they both decided that they wanted to implant a loop recorder. Basically what this does is record every beat that his heart makes. It is not attached to his heart the way a pacemaker or a defibrillator would be. Every so often he will check in with his cardiologist who will download all the information and can see exactly what his heart is doing at all times of the day. Chris has always had a pretty low heart rate but they want to see what is going on at night. This will hopefully buy him at least 5+ years without needing a pacemaker. Because Chris was sedated and could not consent to this procedure they could not do it until the following morning. I was finally able to see him a couple hours later. He was starving and uncomfortable. He had to lay flat on his back for hours after they surgery because of the incision sites. They went in on both sides of his groin so he was pretty uncomfortable and had to have 10 lb sandbags on each incision site to help the blood clot. After feeding him some dinner I called it a night.

At 7:30 am this morning they placed the loop recorder. It was a fast procedure and Chris was awake through the whole thing. Afterward he had to be watched at the hospital for about 5 hours and then we were able to come home. His chest is really sore and it is hard on him to not be able to pick up the kids and we have to constantly remind the kids to be gentle with daddy. Zach and Chris rough house quite a bit so it is hard for Zach to understand and I feel like we are constantly on edge that he is going to charge Chris with a slam hug. We will followup with Chris' local cardiologist later in the week and talk about where we go from here.

The latest with us...

2010-11-03T20:22:00.000-07:00

I completely failed at hitting 31 for 21. I think I barely hit half. In my defense, I have had a lot going on and I really feel that I succeeded in my mission. I think I truly raised awareness and helped educate people on Down syndrome.

Now on to my excuse as to why I failed...

The last few months have been a challenge, to say the least. The time has finally come to update blog world on what is going on.

For those of you that don't know my husband, my 37 year old husband, had a stroke. Ever since then, we have been consumed with doctor appointments, decisions, and lots of stress. After the failed attempt at converting his heart his cardiologist referred us to an electrophysiologist to talk about surgery. There are no electrophysiologists in our county. Our HMO referred us to a doctor in the Los Angeles area which is about 3.5 hours away from us. We traveled down there a few weeks back and met with the specialist who informed us that he needs the surgery and he needs it soon. The surgery that he needs to correct his heart abnormality is a Cardiac Ablation. On top of that, he also informed Chris that he needs to be prepared for a pacemaker. He said there is about a 95% chance that he wont need one, but that it is something that is a possibility. In the state that his heart is in, for a guy his age, he should have a heart rate close to 200. His is in the 70s. The fear is that when they correct the abnormality and get his heart beating in a normal rhythm his heart rate will be so low that a pacemaker will be necessary. Which is exactly what happened when they did the cardioversion back in August.

After many phone calls and schedule changes we have a date. Chris' surgery will take place next Monday November 8th. Anyone that can spare positive thoughts and prayers, please send them our way that he wont need a pacemaker and that the surgery will be successful.

Happy Halloween!

2010-11-03T13:00:00.000-07:00

This year Zach insisted on being Dance A Lot Robot and Hannah wanted to be Jessie. I am so thankful I know a very talented woman!

Frugal Halloween

2010-10-26T21:17:00.000-07:00

A wonderfully talented friend made the kids costumes again this year. Pictures of those to come after Halloween. The one thing I needed for Hannah's costume was a hat for her Jessie costume. Online they sell for around $12-$15 plus shipping. And, they have been out of stock everywhere for months. A friend of mine told me she saw red cowboy hats at the Dollar Tree. I picked one up and tonight attempted to make it look like Jessie's with the white string weaved around the edge. It is not perfect and there are a couple differences from the "real Jessie". I am pretty happy with how it came out and the total cost was A DOLLAR!

Supplies:

Red hat from Dollar Tree

Black Sharpie to mark spots for holes

Ruler that I found in the kids crayon box

Hole punch

Clean white shoe strings that Chris had (which can still be used since I did not cut them)

Jessie doll for inspiration

Bullying

2010-10-20T21:10:00.000-07:00

Never have I had such a fire in me to write about something that is on my mind yet my words do not seem to do my feelings justice. Please bear with me, I hope at the end of this to have a point, if not... enjoy the ride.

This morning I was trying to decide what to blog about. I haven't quite met my blog-a-day for the 31 for 21 and I really wanted to post something today. I came across a post with this link. I thoroughly enjoyed reading this article for many reasons. For one, we live in a small town and I have always had this dream in my head that if we stay in this town that Zach will be known, accepted and loved in our community. Two, the peer advocates is an awesome program that I just might be writing a letter to our school district about.

Back to my first point. At Zach's latest IEP one of the biggest points I stressed, and that mattered most to me, was inclusion. Zach is in a special ed class at his school and having integration with the "regular" 1st grade class is something that is at the top of my priority list. I know a lot of parents who have kids with IEPs read this and might feel I am short changing him when it comes to the academic goals but of course that is not the case. I have such faith in Zach's IEP team that I knew that would not be something I needed to be worried about. They've got his back. When Zach meets goals before the dates we have set, they are the first ones to set new goals. Anyway, back to my point.... inclusion... last year it did not happen nearly as much as we'd hoped. A big reason for that is budget cuts and the Kindergarten teachers having close to 30 kids per teacher. I get that, but it doesn't mean I still wont push for more time for my kid. Not only do I think Zach learns a lot from other kids his age... I truly feel that Zach's social skills are going to get him further in life than any other skills he will learn. When Zach is older, I feel that him being able to be active in the community and having a lot of friends will take him very far. Being able to go out to dinner and display manners and be socially comfortable will help him live a fulfilled life.

Now to talk about my second point. Peer advocates. This is something that should be happening at each and every school in America. From junior high through college. In my naive brain, I cant imagine it would take much, if any, funds to operate. Kids volunteer their time and they have meetings on lunch hours or as an elective class and a couple teachers or parents in the community give their time. Today has been called a day to prevent bullying. Millions of people (I included) wore purple today to support the teens who have recently taken their lives because of bullying. They were bullied because of their sexual preference. Because being a teenager isn't hard enough, now throw into that coming to grips with feelings that are perceived by some as wrong or bad. Now on top of that you are bullied. And not just playground teasing or snickers in the halls when you walk past the cool crowd going to your locker. No, times have changed. Now, even the ones who didn't have the nerve to make fun of you to your face have the anonymity of the Internet. They can cowardly sit behind a faceless computer screen and poke fun at every single thing that you feel self conscious about. And they can post it for your entire school and community to see or read.

I am in no way perfect. I am sure I was mean to someone from time to time. I was bullied for being the fat kid so I in turn bullied someone else to take the attention away from me and to try and make myself feel better. I like to think I was above that but I'm not. It is a vicious cycle. I do know that I was not a truly mean hearted person and I had a conscious so any teasing I dealt out was pretty tame.

Today I read something on Facebook that has bothered me all day and is the epitome of irony. Someone I love posted a reminder last night to wear purple to help raise awareness of bullying and in honor of those who committed suicide. Such a smart young girl to stand up for what she believes in. Right? She got several comments of support and then I read comments from her own flesh and blood, someone who should do nothing but love and support her, about how she got details wrong. Not only was her grammar picked apart, but her interpretation of the message. You could tell by the exchange of words that this is not an isolated incident. It pains me that so many people are disrespected by those who should be their biggest advocates. It is no surprise that people become depressed. I just hope the kind words that were said were taken to heart and she truly knows how much she is loved. And I hope that every other teenager whose family members put them down have someone to turn to for a positive influence.

If every student that recently committed suicide had an advocate in their school to stand up for them, or even just a supportive ear, maybe their family would not be grieving the way they are tonight. Suicide has got to be the hardest form of death to process. I know. My dad committed suicide 6 years ago and it is something I think about every day. It is something that I don't know you can ever fully have closure for. There are always the "what if" questions and the "could I have done something differently" thoughts. I can only imagine how the parents of these young kids feel. It is senseless. It is unacceptable.

Be the change that you want to see in the world.

Unless you are a mean person, then just lock yourself in your house until you have a positive epiphany and please, please... don't pro create.

As heard....

2010-10-20T10:05:00.000-07:00

This morning Zach was in his room picking out his clothes for school. He had been in there for a couple minutes so I went to make sure he wasnt pulling all the clothes out of his drawers. He was standing in front of his closet holding 2 shirts. One had a flying baseball on it and one had a stick figure playing drums with the saying "I Rock". He said "Mom... I need help choosing my shirt". I said "well, do you feel like a baseball player today, or a rock star?"... He smiled and said "baseball player"and put the other shirt away.

Love that kid!

Spreading the word... guest blog

2010-10-19T14:13:00.000-07:00

I was approached by a friend to do a guest post on her blog in honor of Down Syndrome Awareness Month. She is an amazing writer and I love reading and following her blog Mandyland.

I am completely touched that she wanted to do this. Her and I are both members of our local moms group and while I feel like I "know" her well virtually, we had only met a small number of times. I feel honored and proud that by reading my posts during 31 for 21 she wanted to spread the word about DS as well. I feel like my mission to spread the word is being fulfilled!

Please click here to read our joint post.

I knew it would be ok....

2010-10-18T15:47:00.000-07:00

My cousin Danielle is 9 days older than me. Growing up we had shared family birthday parties, "Jeni/Dani nights" and we always got the same birthday and Christmas gifts. We would try to open our gifts at the same time so that we could both be surprised by more than just what color it was. When we were teenagers we went down two very different paths and while we probably wouldn't have hung out in the same crowds if we went to school together, it didn't much matter. If I had to pick any person that I would like to be more like... it would be her. I will never forget when we were all getting ready for her wedding. All of us bridesmaids were stressing about our hair and makeup and getting jitters before the ceremony started. She was the one to calm us all down and to be the soothing presence in the room. I love her dearly.

After Zach was born and we were told he might have Down syndrome, I thought about my cousin Dani and I knew it would be ok.

15 months earlier Dani gave birth to her beautiful baby boy Gabriel Tomas. Gabe came into the world 16 weeks early. He spent as many weeks in the NICU fighting for his life. Nurses and doctors urged Dani to "let him go". As if that was possible. I cant speak for her but I am sure Dani knew that he was meant to live and that this was her child and that was all that mattered to her.

Family and friends surrounded them with love and prayer and eventually they were able to take their sweet baby boy home. Sure he has health problems and has endured hospital stays and surgeries but the number of lives this little boy has touched is immeasurable. I am so thankful that she did not "let him go" because when I was faced with the challenge of accepting Zachary into my life I feel like I channeled her strength and I just knew that it would be ok. I knew that Zach would be accepted and that there would never be a shortage of love for my boy.

I feel like her and I have an even deeper bond than we ever did before. That we get it. We know that we can bounce questions off each other about IEPs or how to possibly make coffee wake us up faster and everything in between. I know I can call her at 6am to ask about seizures and she knows she can send me text messages with pictures of her kids butt to ask if a spot looks like a staph infection. I wish there wasn't 300 miles between us and that we could spend more time together and our kids could create the memories that we have of family dinners and gathering at the grandparents house.

Dani and I have had the unofficial conversation (we really need to get that in writing) that if anything were to happen to Chris and I that her and her amazing husband Omar would raise our kids. I cannot imagine anyone else, with such genuine hearts, that would love and raise our kids the way we would want.

Dani & Omar with Zachary

The boys.... this was possibly their first meeting...

The boys were not happy to be laid down together... this was the best we could do...

I love you Nani Bit Bit!!

31 for 21 ... Single Dad Laughing

2010-10-17T13:33:00.000-07:00

The other day I posted a link to a story on Facebook from Single Dad Laughing. I posted this entry that I had read with tears in my eyes. It is inspiring and a great reminder to anyone who spends time with children.

Today I am linking to him again for his beautiful, heartfelt words for his sister, who had Down syndrome. The way he talks about her is so touching and real.

Please take the time to click here and read it for yourself. I don't think you'll be disappointed.

Guest Blogging

2010-10-15T09:00:00.000-07:00

I had my first opportunity to be a guest blogger today. I wrote a piece for Babes in Disneyland, a blog I follow written by a mom who is a former tour guide of Disneyland and still a So Cal local who now takes her kiddos there often.

The post was about traveling to Disneyland with a child with special needs. You can read the post here.I hope parents are able to take at least one helpful tip away that could help with future traveling. Anywhere.

I shared the link on Facebook and a friend commented "great tips for EVERYONE!". This comment just goes to show that Zach, and others like him, are more alike than different. I am sure there are lots of other tips and tricks I could have listed on the post but these were ones that came to mind that specifically worked on our trips and it is very true that these tips could apply to many kids. Of all abilities.

DS and my daughter

2010-10-14T09:16:00.000-07:00

Before we even conceived our daughter I knew that she would be amazing. I knew that extra chromosome that her brother carries would affect her in such a positive way. While Hannah is only 3 and in the throws of being a strong willed drama queen I can already tell she is going to be a more compassionate, understanding young woman than I ever was. What some would call different is normal for her and that is something I wish all children were exposed to. I believe it would make for a much more understanding society. Maybe there would be less bullying in school and more acceptance. I watch Hannah at Zach's soccer games and I love that kids in wheelchairs, using walkers and walking with crutches don't phase her one bit. She doesn't even notice it. I also love that she understands Zach's speech better than we do. There are times I am not understanding what he is telling me and I ask him to repeat it and finally Hannah will turn to me and say "he said........". That warms my heart. I have no doubt that they will continue to be great friends and that she will likely be his biggest advocate.

Picture Day

2010-10-08T15:28:00.000-07:00

Today is picture day at school for Zach. He insisted that he have "spiky hair". I didn't want to do it because that is really not him. We generally never spike his hair and I want him picture to look like... well him. Since last year he hated the whole process of pictures and ended up having teary eyes in his pictures, I decided to go along with it in hopes that he was happier with the picture process.

Alarming statistics

2010-10-07T13:44:00.000-07:00

Down syndrome occurs in 1 in 733 LIVE births.

Approximately 90% of women who find out prenatally that their child has this extra chromosome terminates the pregnancy.

90%! That is crazy. Sometimes I feel like I am raising an endangered kind. For lack of a way better term. I feel that with the earlier prenatal screenings this percentage is going to continue to climb. I fear that the acceptance of individuals like my son will not get better over the years but in fact get worse, since there will be less and less people like him born.

90%! So many lives are ended because they are deemed unworthy. Because doctors suggest 'taking care of the problem' rather than educating and because scared parents are worried about what society will think of something less than "perfect".

I cannot begin to count the number of people that Zach has touched. People that have personally told me how much they love my son. People I don't know come up to us at the grocery store or when we are around town and tell us they have worked with Zach at school, or that their kid rides with Zach on the bus and Zach has made such a positive impact on their life that they feel compelled to come up to Chris and I and tell us about it.

They tell us just how much they love him.

How sweet he is.

How their typically rambunctious child is calmed by Zach.

How Zach comforted their kid at school when their kid got hurt.

The list goes on.

This does not sound like a soul that should not be here with us. This is not a life that is a burden on society. This child has taught things to more people than we will ever know. Sure they might not be things that you can record on a report card. Or that will help you ace a test. But what is more important is that he has taught people what true uncensored love is. And not to judge a book by the cover that society has created.

I feel sorry for all of the people that don't have a Zachary in their life because the way he has enriched mine is unexplainable and is something I am so thankful for.

The R Word

2010-10-06T14:54:00.000-07:00

Anyone that knows me knows how much I hate this word and how much it hurts me to hear it. If you don't know why it is terrible and/or want to read a few things about why I hate it so much I have blogged about it a few times here, here and one of my favorites here.

There has been some media lately on this subject and recently a bill was passed to eliminate the term "retarded". (You can read about it here). I have mixed feelings (mostly good) about this that I plan to talk about in a later post.

This change is great news because I hate seeing the term "mentally retarded" all over Zach's education plans. See... Zach does not qualify for services because he has Down syndrome. Zach qualifies because he is considered mentally retarded. (now you see why I hate the word being used as slang?). Technically, someone is classified as "mentally retarded" based off of their IQ score yet Zach has never had an IQ test (could they even do an IQ test on a 6 year old? Any 6 year old?). So the fact that he is assumed "retarded" based off of his extra chromosome really sucks!

Here is where you can help. Don't use the word. Correct your peers when they use it. Don't let your children/nieces/nephews/siblings/cousins use it. I hope that in my lifetime the R word will be as unacceptable as the N word.

Here is one last article by John C McGinley (who has a son with Down syndrome) that is fantastic.

So there. Go. Read... and don't say I never taught you anything!

I leave you with one last video clip.

Spread the word to end the word!

People First Language

2010-10-05T08:58:00.000-07:00

Click here to read a more in depth article about People First Language.

This is something that I feel strongly about and really strikes a nerve with me. I have corrected people and had them roll their eyes at me. Like it is all about being PC and that it really doesn't matter how they word it. But it DOES matter.

My son is not a "Downs child". He is a person. He is my son. He is not defined by a medical term that his genetic make up is labeled as. Yes he happens to carry an extra chromosome. Yes he has Down syndrome. But he is not "a Down syndrome". Down syndrome does not define who he is.

What if you had cancer? Would you be accepting of somebody calling you cancer woman? Or crippled man? I would hope not because that does not define you.

I hope you take the time to read through the document I linked to above and educate yourself. Individuals with disabilities want, and deserve, to be seen as people first and respected as valued members of society.

Buddy Walk

2010-10-04T14:53:00.000-07:00

This past June we took part in the 1st Annual Buddy Walk with the Down Syndrome Association of Santa Barbara County.

It was a beautiful day and the location could not have been more picturesque. We are humbled by our generous family and friends that made donations in our names to support our team, Zachtastic.

Zach refused to wear his Buddy Walk shirt but the Superman one he had on was fitting.

Being that it was the first year it was a fairly small group but we look forward to being part of this great group as it grows over the years.

I didn't take too many pictures (surprising, I know).. but here are a few I did get.

So excited when he got it!

Waiting to do his Home Depot craft

Games!

Hangin' with Smokey

Ice Cream Face!

"Aww mom... don't take my picture!"

(see those palm trees in the background? The ocean is just beyond that. I love where we live!)

The Walk Begins!!

"Don't worry Dad... I got this!"

Helping Nana pull Hannah in the wagon

Welcome to Holland

2010-10-03T16:21:00.000-07:00

Welcome to Holland by Emily Perl Kingsley

©1987 by Emily Perl Kingsley. All rights reserved.

I am often asked to describe the experience of raising a child with a disability – to try to help people who have not shared that unique experience to understand it, to imagine how it would feel. It’s like this…

When you’re going to have a baby, it’s like planning a fabulous vacation trip – to Italy. You buy a bunch of guidebooks and make wonderful plans. The Coliseum. The Michelangelo David. The gondolas in Venice. You may learn some handy phrases in Italian. It’s all very exciting.

After months of eager anticipation, the day finally arrives. You pack your bags and off you go. Several hours later, the plane lands. The stewardess comes in and says, “Welcome to Holland.”

“Holland?!?” you say. “What do you mean Holland?? I signed up for Italy! I’m supposed to be in Italy. All my life I’ve dreamed of going to Italy.”

But there’s been a change in the flight plan. They’ve landed in Holland and there you must stay.

The important thing is they haven’t taken you to a horrible, disgusting, filthy place full of pestilence, famine and disease. It’s just a different place.

So you must go out and buy new guidebooks. And you must learn a whole new language. And you will meet a whole new group of people you never would have met.

It’s just a different place. It’s slower-paced than Italy, less flashy than Italy. But after you’ve been there for a while and you catch your breath, you look around…and you begin to notice Holland has windmills…and Holland has tulips. Holland even has Rembrandts.

But everyone you know is busy coming and going from Italy…and they’re all bragging about what a wonderful time they had there. And for the rest of your life, you will say, “Yes, that’s where I was supposed to go. That’s what I had planned.”

And the pain of that will never, ever, ever, ever go away…because the loss of that dream is a very, very significant loss.

But…if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn’t get to go to Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the very special, the very lovely things…about Holland.

As heard...

2010-10-02T08:00:00.000-07:00

The other night I was tucking Zach in bed for the night. For the record, it had been 113 that day so it was pretty warm in our house. This is how the conversation went...

Zach: Mama... lay with me

Me: No Zach, it is way too hot

Zach: No mama. It is not hot. The sun went down. I show you. (gesturing towards the window)

Love this kid!

Did you know prenatally?

2010-10-01T14:10:00.000-07:00

I get this question from time to time. So, for those of you who have wanted to ask and never did... here goes...

No. We did not know prenatally. I am glad we did not know. Before we had the prenatal testing we discussed what we would do if the tests determined there was a problem. We both agreed we would do nothing and we would continue with the pregnancy and love the baby regardless. I am sure that is what most people say before they go in for prenatal testing. Before they are faced with facts and statistics. Before they are asked by presumptions doctors "when should we schedule the termination?". Before they are painted worst case scenario pictures as the norm. The truth is... I don't know if we would have continued the pregnancy. I like to think that I had enough love and maturity in me but I honestly don't know.

I am sure this is not the "popular" thing for anyone to say but this is my blog with my thoughts, if you don't like it, you are free to click that little x in the upper right corner of your browser

I was a totally different person before I had Zachary.

Chris and I were a totally different couple. That extra chromosome changed me to my core. I don't know if the person I was before would have accepted this. Before I had this little pink person staring up at me. This person that needed nothing but love from me. This person that had shared my body for 40 weeks and I had grown to love so deeply. At 18 weeks when I had that screening done, I hadn't yet felt his first little flutter. I didn't know that he was a he. I didn't know what his name would be. I had no idea what it would feel like to stare at your child and feel that overwhelming love the moment they come out of your body.

I was busy making wedding plans and adjusting to quitting smoking and drinking wine and coffee. While Chris and I were very much in love and planning to get married, I got pregnant quicker than we expected so we pushed the wedding up a little bit. I don't know that we would have felt secure enough in our relationship, or in ourselves in general, to accept something like this. I am ashamed to say that I was that annoying teenager that made jokes about the short bus. That didn't know people with disabilities. Like really know who they are. Sure I may have been cordial in passing but I didn't take the time to really know who they were. At my school the special ed class was grossly removed from the rest of the students and I rarely saw any of them let alone know their names.

I don't know if that person would have accepted this.

In looking back on our AFP test results I think there should have been some red flags raised. My OB during my pregnancy was in a group of 6 doctors. I saw a few of them throughout my pregnancy due to my doctor being out often dealing with some family emergencies. At the routine appointment following the screening I was told that the results were "normal" and it was never discussed again. At our "big" ultrasound I was around 20 weeks into my pregnancy and all of his limbs measured slightly short - around 18 weeks. I have learned with pregnancy there is about a 2 week 'give-or-take' cushion so his limbs measuring 2 weeks behind was not cause for alarm. At my postpartum follow up I met with the doctor who delivered Zach. The one who after Zach was born said there was no way he had Down syndrome. I told him that the tests confirmed that he did in fact sport the extra chromosome and he pulled out my AFP results and said they were around 1 in 350. How that wasn't an elevated result is beyond me? Based off my age (25 at the time of the test, 26 when he was born) "normal" should be around 1 in 800.

Begin rant
Personally, I think the AFP screening is a huge waste of blood (and I told my OB that when I was pregnant with Hannah). I strongly urge everyone I know to not waste their time on that test. I have heard of so many people getting elevated risk factors, stressing out for nothing, all for their baby to have the correct number of chromosomes. I have never heard anything good come of this screening.
End rant

Anyhow, my theory is that with everything going on with my doctor, something slipped through the cracks with my results. Or maybe some higher being knew how much I needed Zach and knew that our plan was to not know until birth.

Down Syndrome Awareness Month!!

2010-10-01T09:12:00.000-07:00

In honor of Down syndrome Awareness Month I am going to try and blog everyday. Blog about DS. Zach. How it has effected our lives. I may have a guest blogger or two. I may post about short little conversations between Zach and I. I may just post a picture. But my goal is to share as much as possible with people about Down syndrome and the joy it has brought my family. And maybe learn something I didn't know along the way...

Stay tuned...

A hell of a year....

2010-09-28T11:04:00.001-07:00

Chris turned 38 yesterday! We celebrated on Sunday (since we both worked yesterday) with my first attempt at lasagna and ridiculously chocolaty chocolate cake. Surely he would not have asked for items that needed to be baked had he known we would be having a crazy heat wave and he even said several times that we could have something else for his birthday dinner but I wanted to give him what he asked for so... lasagna and cake it was! It was 106 at our house on Sunday. Yesterday there was record breaking heat and was 113 where we work!

Right around his birthday last year is when the bumps in the road of our lives started. I don't think I even had the time or energy to blog about it all but here is a quick recap...

Chris had some issues arise at work that resulted in him almost losing his job which caused a huge amount of stress and tension.

While vacationing at Disneyland, had to take Zachary to the ER with breathing problems, told he has asthma.

My grandmother went through months of health problems and weeks in the hospital and almost died. Twice.

Chris appendix almost burst and had emergency appendectomy

Papa Don passed away

Zach had a seizure

Chris had a stroke. Learn of Chris' heart condition and in the near future will be exploring the options on how to treat going forward.

Can I please get off of this roller coaster?!?!

Sleepover!

2010-09-24T09:23:00.001-07:00

This weekend we had Max and Molly spend the night. Their parents have saved us a few times by keeping our kids and we wanted to repay the favor. The kids had a blast. Zach and Max have been friends for a really long time. It is cute to see how they have grown.

The gang (I love the way Hannah and Zach are looking at each other. And the fact that they chose to set up camp next to each other)

The boys

The girls

Siblings

Proud Mom Moment

2010-09-17T08:20:00.001-07:00

Last night we went to a picnic at Zach's school. It was nice to have time to sit and chat with his teacher and one of his aides. It warms my heart to see the relationship they have with him and experience the love they obviously feel for my boy. They are such a huge part of Zach's life and I was glad to be able to talk with them in a relaxed setting. Since I don't get to do the drop offs and pick up's because of work I rarely get a chance to talk with them face to face. Emails and notes back and forth in his backpack can only do so much.

Anyway... on to the proud moment...

His aide says to Chris and I "He is the smartest kid with Down syndrome that I have ever met. And I have worked with a lot".

Can I get an "Awwww"....Or how about a "Hell Yes!"

I could tell she was completely sincere. Like she was saying "this kid is going to do big things, no doubt about it". (For the record... that was not a direct quote from her.. that was just what her facial expressions would have said had they been able to talk)

I have always known my kid was brilliant but I also have limited experience with individuals with Down syndrome so it is hard to know where he falls in comparison. Not that you should ever compare kids but... you know what I mean?

Here is a picture of him from last night working really hard at the hula hoop.

Happy 3rd Birthday Hannah Rose!!

2010-09-12T22:45:00.000-07:00

Dear Hannah,

It is hard to believe that 3 years has passed already yet I cant believe it has only been 3 years. You fit so perfectly into our family. You bring such an energy to our lives and you and your brother are the best of friends. You understand what he is saying better than we do. You can out talk and out smart most kids your age and ask quite often if you can go to school. However, you don't want to just go to any school, "Princess School" is what you ask for. You have a way of melting my heart with your smile and the sweet things you say. You love to give us kisses when you know we need them most.

You also have a way of making me want to run screaming from the house. You have an attitude. A big one. You also have a shriek that makes us cringe. If you don't get your way, it generally results in a long drawn out crying fit that does not end until we can come to some sort of compromise. You run us. And you know it. But I know this just means you are going to be a strong minded young woman and I wouldn't have it any other way.

I love you more than you will ever imagine my sweet girl.

Love,

Mommy

You wanted a party this year and you asked for a princess party so that is what you got!

Project Surf Camp

2010-09-11T20:19:00.000-07:00

I have been behind lately on blogs but did not want to forget to post about this. Zachary had the opportunity to participate in an amazing program this summer called Project Surf Camp. This is an awesome non profit organization that takes individuals with special needs surfing. They operate on donations from participants that are only a fraction of the operating cost but they will never turn a camper down if they are unable to pay. They recently received a grant from Pepsi in the amount of $50,000. Pepsi, instead of buying outrageously priced Super Bowl Commercials, donated $300,000 (that I am aware of, it could be more) to several non-profit organizations across our country. If we were a soda drinking household they would definitely have our business!

Zach was pretty hesitant about the whole thing to begin with. We had to force him into the wetsuit. I knew that once he got out there he would love it. He did great and had a wonderful time. He didn't get up on his feet this year but... he is only 6! We look forward to him participating next year.

Here are some pictures:

"But I no want to wear this!"

Pre-surf pep talk with my Daddy

Warmups

Learning the moves

Headed out to the waves

Riding one in

A picture is worth a thousand words...

Hi Fives for his teachers

"This is so fun!"

The latest on Chris

2010-09-10T20:57:00.000-07:00

2 weeks ago Chris and I headed up to the hospital for Chris' Cardioversion procedure. They took him back to the waiting area for outpatient procedures and got his IV started, took blood and got the heart monitors on him before calling me back to sit with him. We were there chatting with the nurse for about an hour before the cardiologist got there. His doctor asked me if I wanted to stay to watch it. Sure. I like medical stuff and I have watched my fair share. I watched my moms laser eye surgery on a close up TV screen while she was having it done. I thought it was really cool when they cut the eye ball and pulled the lens back to access the cornea. This would be no biggie.

They put the pads on him. One on his chest and one on his back. They administered the sedatives through his IV to put him to sleep. They charge up the machine. The machine has a warning saying that his pads are not reading properly. They cant figure out why. The machine was reading his EKG information so they knew it was working. He charged it up again and said "Clear!" and pushed the button and nothing happened. Then they realized the wires were not connected to the pads that do the actual shock. I said "You guys are not making feel very good about this!". They get him plugged in and the doctor charges the machine back up and says "Clear!" and just like you see in the movies, Chris' whole upper body lifts up from the gurney. He opens his eyes and looks around. The doctor tells me that it didn't work. He would have to shock him a second time. Chris was still looking around so they gave him another small dose of drugs. I told them I had to leave. I could not watch that again.

I went out to the waiting room and started to worry when a lot of time passed. The doctor finally came out and said that the second shock did work but now he was concerned because his heart rate was in the 30s at rest. 40s when he asked him to get up and move around a little bit. He felt there was some sort of congenital problem and that the top and bottom chambers were not "talking to each other" properly. He still felt ok with Chris going home that day. Said there was nothing urgent that was of concern but that we would talk about him at the followup appointment the following week. He said he expected that Chris would get dizzy easily and that he would not be surprised if he passed out. It was a Friday so he gave me his cell phone number to contact him if we had any problems or questions over the weekend.

I went back to see Chris. I didn't tell him too much at the time because I did not want to give him more to worry about. We were able to leave fairly soon after. We came home and he took a nice long nap. He felt pretty good the next day other than some soreness in his chest. I could hear the difference in his heart beat when I put my ear to his chest. I have become a novice in distinguishing the different states of his heart beats. The following Monday he had to go in to have his blood levels checked and they checked his pulse and said he was irregular again. Not what we expected, or wanted, to hear! I listened to his heart that night and it did sound a little irregular, but not the same as it did post stroke when he was in Atrial Fibrillation. We had a followup appointment with the cardiologist on Wednesday and he said that Chris was back in A Fib. Atrial Flutter to be exact. He said he uses the terms interchangeably but that the A Flutter was a much more organized rhythm than it had before. Last Thursday at work Chris felt his heart beat pretty hard and he got slightly dizzy. When we got home I listened to it and low and behold, it had converted itself back into a regular rhythm. Today, it converted back. It is a very nerve racking state of unknown right now.

At the last appointment with the cardiologist we talked about options from this point on and when we have more information on how he is going to proceed, we will discuss them with everyone.

Thank you to everyone for your continued thoughts and prayers!

As heard...

2010-08-31T20:21:00.000-07:00

Hannah: "Mooooom"

Me: "Yes Hannah"

Hannah: "I want a kitty and a doggy and a baby brother"

Zachary: "No baby brother! I not a baby! I'm a big boy!"

Stroke... Part 2

2010-08-17T12:53:00.001-07:00

If you have not read Part 1, start here.

I woke up the next morning hoping it was all a nightmare. Hoping I would roll over and Chris would be next laying there next to me. But of course the other side of the bed was as empty as it was just a few hours earlier when I laid down. I jumped out of bed and called the ICU nurse who said he was awake already and put me through to him. I could hear in his voice how different he was. It was as if his soul had been missing and overnight had returned to his body. His speech was off, but the gibberish was gone. I took a shower and waited for my mom who went to the hospital with me. When we got there the ultrasound technician was doing ultrasounds of his legs and carotid artery checking for clots. She also came back later in the day and did a very long echo cardiogram of his heart. She told us, unofficially of course, that all looked well but she did notice some fluttering in his heart. Chris was starving. He hadn't eaten anything since 2pm Monday when he had a snack at work. They would not let him eat or drink anything until he met with a speech therapist to evaluate him and ensure that he would not choke or aspirate.

We still did not have a lot of answers as to why this happened. Chris is 37 years old. Has never been a smoker, heavy drinker, or drug user. He plays soccer 2-3 times a week and has always been healthy. When talking to the doctors the night before in the ER about his medical history, diet and eating habits I did mention that he drank energy drinks. Generally 2-3 a day. They seemed very interested in this and felt that could have been a factor in causing his stroke.

We met with the cardiologist who explained that the stroke was caused by Atrial Fibrillation. The irregular heart beat will cause a clot and paired with the amount of caffeine in the energy drinks, it was a formula for disaster. Most people who have A Fib have a heart rate that averages in the 130-150 range. Chris' averages around 60-70 so he had no idea that he was experiencing this. When he was in the hospital in February, they did not ever mention that he was in A Fib so it was a relatively new thing.

There was a lot going on throughout the day. Nurses in and out. A visit from Chris' bosses. Chris had an MRI where they officially confirmed he had a stroke. The neurologist said there was some scarring in his brain. Finally around 3pm or so the speech therapist came in and did some tongue exercises with Chris and watched him eat a milkshake. She cleared him to eat and showed us some exercises that he needed to do to strengthen his tongue to help his speech return to normal. He scarfed down a turkey sandwich (the first of many) and was happy to finally get to eat.

Around 4 that afternoon he was able to get up and try to walk. He felt pretty good but he did feel like he was tilting to one side while he walked. In his mind, he thought it should be obvious that he was tilting, but knew that it wasn't. Our fantastic daycare provider dropped the kids off at the hospital so they could visit with Daddy. After a short visit we went home so I could try to maintain some normalcy for the kids. We had dinner and did our nighttime routine. Chris had a good night. Watched TV. Ate dinner. Walked a little bit more with one of the nurses.

Wednesday morning I dropped the kids off at daycare and went back up to see him. There was talks of moving him to the unit that was just a step down from ICU but they were full so they moved him down to the "Med Surg" floor. It was good and bad. Good because that meant he was one step closer to going home. Bad because it was a cramped room where he would possibly have a roommate. When he was moved around noon, he had a roommate who was in his 80's and hard of hearing. So, you can imagine the volume of his TV. The roommate left around 3 and Chris was lucky enough to be alone in his room until Friday morning. Wednesday was more of the same. The speech therapist came and worked with him again, along with an occupational therapist and a physical therapist.

The cardiologist met with us again. We talked with him about treatment going forward. They put him on blood thinners to avoid the possibility of another clot forming. Because of the tPA that he was given upon arrival they had to start slow with new medications. They started giving him shots of Lovenox in his stomach on Wednesday. This is a faster delivered blood thinner until the Warfarin could get to the appropriate levels in his system.

Chris was able to get up and walk a little bit in the halls. Didn't do too much Wednesday but by Thursday he did a few laps up and down the halls. Thursday was about the same as Wednesday. Meeting with the ST, PT, OT and cardiologist. I think the floor doctor also came in to check on him, but we didn't get much out of him in terms of information. He didn't tell us anything we didn't already know from the nurse or the cardio.

Friday morning Chris was itching to go home and we were doing a lot of walking up and down the hallway. The floor doctor came in to check on him and said he would be there until at least Monday. Since he was getting the shots he had to stay there and they wanted his blood at a certain level before he could leave. We met with the cardiologist around 10am who said that if the insurance approved it and I felt ok giving him the shots we could go home. Chris was so ecstatic! We got all the prescriptions, follow up appointments, and instructions and we were out of there! Chris was so excited to be out of bed and out of the hospital that we actually stopped on the way home and had sushi for lunch before picking up all his drugs.

Understandably, it still took some time for him to regain his energy and get back to doing his day to day activities. Even now, a 6 weeks later, he still tires easily. The cardiologist said that after his Cardioversion this coming Friday, he should notice a huge difference in his stamina and energy level. The cardiologist and neurologist have talked and neither of them are in a rush to get him off of the blood thinners so he will stay on those for awhile. He was back to work part time the following week and on the soccer field 3 1/2 weeks post stroke. He has had lots of follow up appointments and has to have his blood levels checked weekly. We also had to pay some guy $300 to come evaluate Chris and watch him drive so that he could fill out the reports for the Neuro and the DMV to clear him to drive. He wasn't able to drive for a couple weeks and I was hating being the sole driver. He is also not the best passenger so he was anxious to get back in the drivers seat.

It has been a hell of an experience that I do not wish on anyone but I am so thankful for how quickly he has recovered.

Stroke... Part 1

2010-08-15T19:08:00.000-07:00

A month ago Chris suffered a stroke. I am just now having the time to "talk" about it. It is, by far, the scariest thing I have lived through. I hope hearing our story will help others know the signs and trust their instincts if faced with a life and death health situation. I am so thankful I did. Here is our story...

It started like any other Monday. Alarm goes off. Take a shower. Get dressed. Pack my lunch and Zach's lunch. While packing Zach's lunch, make a mental note that we are out of juice boxes. Drop kids off at daycare. Commute in to work together. Work all day. Chris picks me up. We chat about our day on the drive home. Pick up the kids. Come home. Sort mail. Unpack Zach's backpack. Remember we are out of juice boxes. Say to Chris "Honey, check in the garage to see if we have another box of Capri Sun's and put them in the fridge." Chris comes in from the garage and says "we don't have anymore, want me to go to the store? We could use some sour cream for the chili anyway"? (we had made chili on Sunday to have for dinner on Monday and it came out a little spicy so we though sour cream might make it less spicy for the kids). I debated on him going since it was the last week of summer school and I could get by with other drinks for Zach's lunch. But, he decided to go. While he is gone, I start warming up bowls of chili. I call and chat with my mom for a few minutes.

Little did I know my life was about to change forever.

About 20 minutes later, the kids announce "Daddy's home!" and I continue what I am doing. I could see the driveway from the kitchen and noticed the car door was open for a few minutes, but figured that he was gathering his things, turning off his IPod, etc. He walks in carrying boxes of Capri Suns and a grocery bag. I look at his face and he just did not look right. His left eye looked very small, like he was squinting and the left side of his face seemed somewhat droopy. I asked him what was wrong and his response was "I don't know, my vision was just off, I need to lay down for a few minutes". My heart starts racing. That just did not seem like him but he has been mentioning that he needs to see the eye doctor lately to get a new prescription for his vision problems in his left eye that he has had for years.

He lays on the couch and I am drilling him with questions. He has a coy smile on his face, almost like he was mocking me for being concerned. I ask him to smile. Smile was fine, face reacts on both sides of the face. I ask him to stick out his tongue. Both sides of his tongue look like he has been clenching down on it and there are teeth marks running along both sides. Then our conversation goes like this:
Me: "I am calling 911"
Chris: "No you aren't, I am fine, just let me rest and you guys start eating dinner"
Me: "No Chris, I am calling 911"
Chris: "Stop, I am fine, you are not calling 911"
Me: "Fine, I am calling my mom to have her come over and watch the kids in case I need to take you to the hospital for some reason"
Chris: "Fine"

I call my mom and tell her that Chris isn't acting right. I don't know what is wrong but he just doesn't seem right and he is telling me not to worry or call 911. She says "Jennifer, call 911, I am on my way".

I start pacing. Trying to decide if I am overreacting (which I have been known to do), or if there was really something wrong. Then I hear him say "the coach emailed us about the protocol of the defense". I picked up the phone and called 911. He is still looking at me like I am nuts and should not be concerned but he just was not himself. I hang up with the 911 operator and within minutes I hear the sirens of the fire engines. I talk to the kids and let them know that there will be a lot going on in the house in a minute and they are coming to make sure daddy feels OK and they need to stay out of the way. I move all the toys and shoes and make a clear path from the front door to the couch where Chris is.

The firemen walk in a few minutes later and start hooking Chris up to machines and asking him questions. Zach, of course, is trying to help them. Hannah starts panicking and wants nothing but to be held. They ask Chris if he knows where he is and he knew our address perfect. About 5 minutes later, he got one of the numbers wrong. Most questions they asked him were basic and he answered fine. Things like his name, day of the week, his birth date. They asked me to ask him questions that only we would know. I asked him Zach's birthday and he knew the day and month but got the year way off. By this time the EMTs had shown up as well. The wonderful woman driver had pulled Zach to a little corner in the house and talked to him and kept him occupied. They prepare to bring the gurney in and are looking at the tight fit (our house is small). Chris says "No, I can walk out", which he did. He laid on the gurney which they had on the porch. They strap him in and start loading him in the ambulance and the kids say goodbye. They were very excited about the stickers the firemen had just given them. I am standing there in shock and a neighbor walks over and asks if I need anything. One of the firemen says to me "you need to get to the hospital as soon as possible because we have no idea if what he is saying is true." I turned to my neighbor (who I had met in passing but did not even know her name) and said "Can you sit with my kids? My mom should be here within 10 minutes" and I jumped in the front if the ambulance. On the way over I was pretty hysterical and the driver (who had just finished keeping Zach occupied) was trying to keep me engaged in conversation. She asked if I had someone to come to the hospital to sit with me. I hadn't even thought of that. All I was thinking was taking care of Chris and making sure the kids were taken care of. I call our friends Doug and Kelly and ask if they can keep the kids for the night so my mom can come up and be with me. We work out arrangements and they, once again, come through for us and come pick up the kids from my mom. As we are driving over to the hospital in the ambulance, I cant hear much of what is going on the back but I do hear them asking Chris if he did any drugs when he went to the store to which he answered "yes, I smoked some marijuana". I asked the EMTs in the back "What did he say?! He is totally full of it, he did not, there is no way". They all kind of look at me like I am nuts or lying to them to protect Chris. Then they ask him "What is your doctors name?" and he says "Dr McNerney". I said "No, that is our kids pediatrician". They started an IV and that was about all I knew that was happening on the ride over.

We get to the ambulance bay of the ER and they are unloading him. It was quite chaotic so once I knew where he was going to be, they took me to a little waiting room to wait for my mom and so that they could get things going. I waited for what seemed like an eternity and finally went back to his room. The ER doctor explained that they think he is having a stroke (which I already figured by that point) and that they are going to do a CT scan to be sure it isn't a brain bleed and at that point we will talk and I will need to make some choices. By this time, the ICU doctor had come down and was working closely with the ER doctor. Being that they suspected a stroke and he would be moved to the ICU they worked as a team.

By now, Chris had moved past the point of speaking coherently and he was completely talking gibberish. Some things that he said would make sense but it was like it wasn't even him talking. His expressions were nothing that I recognized. He could not squeeze his right hand. One of the doctors asked him to raise his right leg. He raised his right leg. The doctor asked him to raise his right arm. He raised his right leg. The doctor asked him again, to raise his right arm. And again, he raised his right leg. The doctor asked him again to raise his right arm and he looked at the doctor and said "What do you think I am doing?!". He had lost all movement in his right arm and hand. I asked him if he knew who I was and while I could tell that he recognized me, he could not tell me my name. I paced between his room and the hallway outside his room. It was hard for me to be near him because it scared me so much and with every minute that passed, he seemed to be falling further and further away from me.

They took him back for the CT scan while I waited, alone with my thoughts. I wondered how I was going to get through this. I was convinced that he would never be the same person. How would this change our family? Would he still love me the same? Is our marriage strong enough to get through the aftermath that this will cause? Will he survive this? Could I handle being a single parent?

The CT scan was over fairly quickly. The ER doctor confirmed what we all suspected. He was suffering a stroke. He told me that time was of the essence and I have a decision to make and I need to make it quickly. We stood in the ER room talking over Chris. Me to Chris' right and the doctor to Chris' left. Chris asleep between us. He explained that a stroke is a blood clot that has traveled to the brain and he went on to explain my options to me.

Option 1: They will administer a drug called tPA through his IV and it takes an hour. It is a drug that is used to break up the clot. Approximately a third of people who have this treatment will have no residual side effects from the stroke. Approximately two-thirds of people will have some sort of side effect. A speech problem or a limp or something of that sort. And then there is small percentage of people that will die within minutes of administering the tPA and another small percentage of people that will die within the hour. This treatment must be administered within 3 hours of the stroke starting. By this point, we were at about the 2 hour mark.

Option 2: There is a fairly new procedure where they insert a catheter into the brain and break up the clot that way. This allows a 6 hour window of time to administer the treatment. The hospital we were at do not do this procedure, nor does any hospital in our county. He would need to be air lifted to Santa Barbara. And he laid out all the risks associated with that procedure. This one did not really seem to be a feasible option. I am all for new medical breakthroughs, for other people. But if I am even going to consider it for me or my family I would need a lot of time to research and educate myself and obviously there was no time for that now.

Option 3: Do nothing.

My mom got there while they were explaining Option 2. I looked at her and told her to tell me what to do. I mean, I could tell that Option 1 was the typical protocol but those weren't really good odds to me. I wanted another choice. I wanted the choice that would make Chris him again. A third of a chance that he would be 100% again?!? That is not really good odds. But I didn't have much time to think about it and doing nothing didn't seem like an option so, I decided that tPA was going to be my choice. A choice I never wanted to be making. Never did I think at 32 I would be making a choice on how to save my husbands life.

We stood in the hallway talking to the doctors while they started the treatment. It is probably good I wasn't in there because I would be panicking. Panicking that we would be that statistic. That small percentage of people that die within minutes of it starting. The ICU doctor asked me if I had any other questions and I said "yes, but you cant give me those answers! You cant tell me whether or not my husband will be OK so no, I don't have any questions." and he just quietly put his head down. The nurse came out about 10 minutes in to it and said he was doing well. I felt like we passed one hurdle. He didn't die. Let's keep focusing on overcoming more hurdles.

We all went in to talk to him as he was awake now. That quickly, he was able to squeeze his hand again. He still could not lift his right arm. I asked him if he knew who I was. He said "Stop It". I said "No really honey, what is my name?". And he could not tell me. He said "you're my wife" and then said a few different names and finally thought hard about it and said "Jen". He still spoke a lot of gibberish. Lots of stories that did not make a lot of sense. Most were about soccer. One story seemed that he was thinking about work.

At this point, they took him up to the ICU and got him settled up there while the tPA treatment finished. My mom and I sat with him for a couple hours and talked with his doctor and nurse. He was extremely tired and told me to go home and sleep. I debated on staying in the ICU with him for the night but I knew that we had a long road ahead and I needed to get some rest. I had the direct number to the nurses station at the ICU so I was able to call and get updates on him through the night.

I went home to an empty house and sobbed myself to sleep. This could not possibly be happening.

To be continued...... Part 2

The hits just keep on coming....

2010-07-27T20:35:00.001-07:00

We are all getting over a stomach virus. It started with the kids both puking last Wednesday night. It was super quick and they were both fine the next day. Come to find out that it spread through their daycare. 7 of the kids had it and a couple of the parents.

Saturday afternoon/evening I had *ahem* tummy issues. Thought I was going to puke, but had other things going on. I thought maybe it was just something I ate since I had a burrito from a gas station on Saturday for lunch. (Chapala in Morro Bay. I know everyone raves about them but still... It's a burrito. From a gas station. And since I had never eaten there before I thought it could be that).

Then Hannah puked all over me Sunday. A lot. While we had company dropping off a meal for us. I actually don't think she was sick. She had chugged 2 cups of cranberry juice which is very unlike her and I think it didn't sit well. She was feeling fine right after she got sick.

So last night Chris has the runs. Zach comes in this morning at 5:30 and tells me that he pooped his pants. (Yes I have a 6 year old not fully potty trained. Don't judge) He had diarrhea. I clean him up and have him go more in the bathroom. Chris gets out of bed, goes in the bathroom and does his business and then comes out and collapses on the floor on his stomach in the living room (I thought he was just laying down) but he is totally passed out and starts puking. Face down in it. So I am trying to lift his head up so he isn't breathing it in and he is just dead weight. Zach is trying to "help". Chris finally comes to and he gets cleaned up. It was horrible. Scared the crap outta me. Like having a stroke on me WASN'T ENOUGH?!?

A day at the lake

2010-06-29T11:23:00.000-07:00

A couple weeks ago some friends of ours invited us to join them on the lake for a day. We had a fantastic time. Zach wasn't too sure about the boat at first but once he got over his fear he enjoyed it. Chris got up on a wake board which he hasn't done in several years. The kids had a blast swimming in the lake. Hannah amazed me. We got her a Puddle Jumper floatie. I was amazed at how well she could swim on her own with this thing. I just wish they had them in Zach's size because I have never seen any kind of floaty devise work so well! Hannah was not happy to have to get out of the water at the end of the day and cried when we left. That lasted all of 2 minutes until she fell asleep. After a long hot day we went home sunburned, tired and happy.

"But I don't WANT TO LEAVE!!!!"

Aaaaaaand.... she's out...

Birthday Boy!!!

2010-06-29T11:07:00.001-07:00

Zachary is 6. I can't believe it. The time has gone by way too fast. We celebrated in normal birthday fashion. With cake. And presents. And this year with some beach fun.

A busy June....

2010-06-29T10:57:00.001-07:00

We have had a very busy month! The beginning of June brought a long overdue visit from Chris' folks. The kids had a great time spending time with them and getting to know them better. Here are some pictures from our visit.

Wordless Wednesday

2010-06-09T09:52:00.000-07:00

Wordless Wednesday

2010-05-26T11:02:00.000-07:00

Easter fun

2010-04-07T11:14:00.000-07:00

This year we colored eggs together, did an Easter egg hunt on our front lawn and enjoyed being together. Hope everyone had a wonderful Easter!

"can we start yet?!?"

"This is fun!"

A whirlwind month....

2010-02-24T11:44:00.001-08:00

Our February has been kind of crazy. Where to start? ...

At the end of January I got a call from my mom that my grandmother was having chest pains and was really scared. My mom left work and drove up to her house, which is about 3 hours north of us, in the middle of the biggest storm we have had so far this year. The next day they went to see a cardiologist who immediately admitted her to the hospital. They performed all of the heart tests and determined that she needed her aortic valve replaced. After more testing they also discovered that one of her arteries was almost completely blocked and she would also need a bypass. They were able to take the vein from her mammary gland instead of her leg so that would help with the recovery. She had surgery Wednesday January 27th. We drove up on the 28th to stay a couple days so that I could go up and visit her at the hospital. She looked great. He color was good and was recovering nicely. On Friday (the 29th) my mom received a call that her neighbor was in the hospital. He was having some serious health issues and was given anywhere from 2 days to 2 weeks to live.

Don is much more than a neighbor. He is like a surrogate grandfather to us. My kids adore him and call him Papa Don. His family mostly lives out of state so he spends family dinners with us and has joined us for each holiday meal for the past several years. He is an amazing man with tons of interesting stories and life experiences that we are lucky to be able to hear about. Over the years he has given me and my family some beautiful gifts. Some old. Some new. All gifted to us with so much thought.

We drove home on Saturday. My mom was planning to stay with my grandmother longer but couldn't not say goodbye to this friend, who was so much more. She came home Sunday.

Sunday our plan was to prepare for the work week and in the afternoon, drive over and say our Goodbye's to Don. That morning Chris woke up with the stomach flu. He spent most of his day in bed or in the bathroom. By the afternoon he was feeling better so we went over and the kids and I went to see Don. Obviously the kids have no idea what is going on. They just knew he was sick and gave him hugs.

Don is still alive and kicking. He is weak but he has outlived the doctors time lines.

Monday we went to work. Chris was feeling better. After work he was really hungry and we had Mexican Food for dinner. (I know, terrible idea, but he said he wanted it). That night around 9 his stomach hurt pretty bad. He thought it was the food not sitting well and he went to bed. I went to bed not long after. Around 10:30 I woke up and he was laying next to me just trembling in pain. I told him I was calling someone to sit with the kids and we were going to the hospital. He said no. That he was fine. And that he would drive himself. I insisted and he agreed. I knew at that point it was bad. Our friend Doug came and sat with the kids. We got to the ER just before 11. Got him all triaged and put him took him back. They gave him some initial exams and started an IV to take some blood and start pain medicine. A little while later the doctor came in and examined him some more. Their assumption was appendicitis. They sent him back for a CT scan and their assumptions were confirmed. They told me they would be keeping him for the night and he would have surgery first thing in the morning. I left around 1:30am to go relieve our friend. When I got home I was surprised to see Doug and the kids wide awake. Not long after we left, Zach started throwing up everywhere. He got the stomach bug Chris had. Doug is such a saint, he caught puke, cleaned it up and even scrubbed puke off Zach's mattress. Doug went home and Zach continued to puke for another hour or so before he finally fell asleep. Hannah at this point was wide awake. I finally got her down around 4.

In the middle of this I called my mom. Probably around 3am. I felt terrible waking her and putting yet another thing on her, but I just needed to talk to someone. I felt totally alone in the middle of the night with the stench of puke and the sound of the washing machine and I just needed some sort of comfort. Someone to tell me it would be ok. I knew Zach wouldn't be able to go to school the next day and I would need someone to come sit with him so I could go up to the hospital to see Chris. My mom came in the morning around 7. I took Hannah to daycare and went up to the hospital.

I got there towards the tail end of the surgery so I didn't get to see him until he got out of recovery. He was doing really well and it was a relief not to see him in so much pain anymore. I sat with him for a couple hours and I was just feeling terrible. I didn't know if I was delirious from not sleeping the night before, or if I had gotten the stomach bug. I told him I would go home for a little bit and take a nap and be back in the afternoon. I went home and slept a couple hours. When I woke up, it hit me. I had the stomach flu too. It was horrible. By that time Zach had taken a long hard nap and eaten some food and was feeling much better. My mom packed him a bag and took him home with her so I had one less thing to worry about. I spent the afternoon resting and getting sick. Kelly (aka Doug's wife, Max & Molly's mom) offered to keep Hannah for the night so that I could recover. It was nice to not worry about anyone but myself. I was able to not worry about anyone else but myself for a few hours and I slept the sickness off. Needless to say, I didn't make it back up to visit Chris that day.

Wednesday morning I slowly started putting food and liquid back into my system and felt mostly better. Chris called to let me know he was getting discharged soon. My mom was bringing Zach back over so she offered to go with me to the hospital to get Chris. We took Zach to daycare and went up to the hospital. After some more nurses checking on him and giving him discharge orders, we were out of there. The rest of the day was relaxing and restful. Thursday I took the kids to daycare and Chris and I continued to rest at home. My mom spent the day at her house with the stomach flu.

By Friday, the spot on Hannah's bottom was no doubt an infection. I got her a doctor appointment in the morning and they said to just take her to the ER. She would need to be sedated and have it drained. Off to the ER we went. Luckily for us, we knew Hannah's nurse and she was phenomenal. Because Hannah had eaten that morning she had to wait a few hours before they could sedate her so I had to keep her entertained in the ER and outside. Finally they were able to do the procedure. They got her all monitored just in case she didn't do well with the sedation. It was such a scary thing to see her eyes open but she was just blank. They cut and drained the abscess and packed it. Then we had to wait awhile to make sure she came out of the sedation fine and was feeling ok before we took her home.

It was a long trying week, but we made it!

Wordless Wednesday

2010-02-24T08:37:00.000-08:00

As heard...

2010-01-24T19:51:00.000-08:00

The other night while Hannah was taking a bath, she pointed to a birthmark on her tummy and asked me what it was... this is how the conversation went...

Hannah: Mommy, what's this?
Me: That's your birthmark
H: Birthmark?
Me: Yes, something you were born with. See, I have one on my neck
H: YOU have one?
Me: Yes, see (pointing to it)
H: Mommy, you have sparkles on your back??
Me: No, I don't have sparkles on my back
H: Mommy... you have sparkles on your privates?
Me: No, Hannah, no sparkles on my privates

I walk out of the bathroom and tell Chris "Guess what Hannah just asked me?" and told him the conversation.

Chris says.... "Freckles. She is asking you if you have freckles"

Yes... that makes much more sense.

Siblings fighting

2010-01-21T11:21:00.000-08:00

Yesterday at daycare Hannah was being a little bully to her brother. On a couple occasions she threw toys at him because he wouldn't do, or give her, what she wanted. (yes, we are at that stage) Towards the end of the day Zach was playing with a toy tool bench and she came up being mean again and Zach said "Hannah, I'm about tired of this!" Takes a lot to get Zach to that level, and I am SO glad to see him standing up for himself!

As heard....

2009-12-13T09:19:00.000-08:00

Hannah: I have a problem...

Me: Yeah, what's that?

Hannah: I have poops

Wordless Wednesday

2009-12-09T14:37:00.000-08:00

The Lists

2009-11-30T14:44:00.001-08:00

Last night I was going over with the kids "The Lists". You know, the naughty and nice lists. I asked the kids if they thought they would be on the naughty list or the nice list. Zach responded "The Happy List!". Love that kid!

As heard....

2009-11-25T20:50:00.000-08:00

Today we took Hannah to the ER. (not the point of the blog, but I will explain). She has had croup this week. It seemed to clear up as she slept great last night and sounded great this morning. I had to go back to work and Chris was working a half day so we took her to daycare in the morning. Cindy called around 1:30 saying she woke up screaming from nap and was short of breath. I called her pediatrician and they closed early today because of the holiday. One of the parents whose child also goes to daycare with the kids is a nurse so she came by and listened to Hannah's chest and said it sounded crackly and if it were her, she would take her kid in. So our only choice was the ER. Her lungs were clear and she did have a slight fever. They gave her a shot of steroids and sent us on our way.

Anyway, not the point of the blog. The point was, Hannah said something that cracked me up. Just a little history, before our Disneyland trip this year (yes I know, I haven't blogged about that yet... soon... promise) Hannah would ask about all her favorite characters and ask if they lived at Disneyland. She would ask about Dora and if she would see Dora at Disneyland....

So at the ER, she came back to the reception area after they checked her weight and the lady at the desk asked Hannah "who is that on your shirt?" and Hannah says "Dora. She doesn't live at Disneyland. She lives in Mexico."

Halloween!!

2009-11-10T10:32:00.000-08:00

The kids had a blast dressing up this year. Max and Molly's grandmother offered to make their costumes and they came out better than I ever could have imagined. Hannah wanted to be Tinkerbell and Zachary was Woody from Toy Story. Zach already had the hat and holster, but other than that, everything was hand made. They were beautiful.

Hannah and Molly

Zach and Max - They don't get to see eachother everyday anymore, so I think they miss eachother

Multitasking

2009-10-27T08:24:00.001-07:00

Hannah's hospital stay

2009-10-15T19:36:00.000-07:00

Last Thursday night I was changing Hannah before bed and her... girl parts... seemed swollen, red, and hard on one side and she was very uncomfortable when I wiped her. Having seen way too many staph infections with Zach, I of course instantly panicked. Although I couldn't see any starting point, a pimple or scratch, I had her take a soak in a hot bath so I could try to drain it. I was unable to get anything to drain. She goes to bed.

The next morning it was about the same. I called the pediatricians office as soon as they opened and got their earliest appointment. Which was in the afternoon. So she hangs out with me at home for the day. She took a short nap and when she got up she was very clingy and just laid on me for awhile. She felt very warm so I gave her some ibuprofen. Before it had a chance to work I took her temp so I had an idea of where she was without meds. Her temp was 102. We went to the doctor. Her normal pediatrician was on vacation but we saw an equally as wonderful doctor. He took one look at it and said "This is more than I can do here. You need to take her to the ER so they can lance it, drain it, and pack it." We have been through that process with Zach and it is not pleasant and the healing process is just as bad. Because of our insurance, we normally go to a certain ER in town. The one that doesn't have a childrens unit. He told me "Go to Sierra Vista, just in case she has to be admitted." He must have seen the panic all over my face because he then says "There is about a 1 in 200 chance she will need to be admitted."

I called Chris when I left there and he came home from work to drive us over the hill. I went and picked up Zach from daycare knowing that we would be there later than daycare is open. We got to the ER and waited for a bit. Still thinking it would be a quick procedure and we would be on our way home, I was frustrated with the wait time. We never had to wait at the other ER. I went and asked them for our paperwork so that we could leave and go to the other ER but they said we needed to talk to a nurse before we could leave. The nurse came out and he was very friendly, they said that there had been a car accident and that all involved were leaving so it freed up several beds, and we were taken right back. Chris and Zach had left and taken a walk to the park. After telling the story to nurses and the doctor, the doctor comes back and says that because her fever had spiked so high, and her young age, they were admitting her for IV antibiotics and observation. I called Chris and told him to go home but before he left, to bring me the DVD player from the van. Him and Zach come back and stay in the room with us for awhile.

They needed to get blood from Hannah to run labs/cultures so they were going to do it at the same time they started the IV. The nurse and the phlebotomist came back to get it going. The nurse tried, couldn't find a vein. The phlebotomist tried, couldn't find a vein. And they don't just try, they put the needle in her arm, and then go fishing for a vein. Each of them did that for about 10 minutes. All the while Hannah is screaming and fighting and we are trying to hold her still. Zach sat off to the side of the room saying really sweet words to his sister. "I know baby". "It's ok baby". He is so good to his sister. So they let Hannah rest for awhile and then tell us that they are getting another nurse who used to work at a Childrens hospital. He came in and tried twice and could not get it going either. They decided to let her rest and try again when they got her in her room. A little while later they came in with an ultrasound machine and did an ultrasound on the area to check if there was any kind of lump inside or some sort of puss pocket. They didn't see anything, only fluid, causing the swelling. Chris and Zach leave for the night. After probably 2 hours, right after Hannah falls asleep on my lap in the ER room, they finally take us upstairs to our room. I have learned that whenever shift change is for a hospital, that is when our family needs to be admitted or have something done because we always run into shift change. Always.

We get upstairs at about 8pm. Get all checked in and learn the rules of the ward. Hannah is still sleeping a bit. My mom came up at shortly after and brought me some dinner since I hadn't eaten anything since about 7am.

The plan is to have her on IV antibiotics all night and then they would try and drain the infection the next day. The nurse in the peds unit gets all set up to attempt to put in the IV. She explained that they would try once and if she was unsuccessful she would stop and get a NICU nurse, that they didn't want to torture her if at all possible. Hannah had woken up, but was exhausted. The nurse tries with no luck. She brings in the NICU nurse who starts looking over all the obvious places for veins. Then she starts looking at her head and I said "why are you looking there?" and she said "well, sometimes that is the best place for it." I panicked. I could not bear to see them shave my baby's head and put an IV in it. I was hoping and praying they would find another spot for it. Since they could not locate their papoose, they got a blanket and swaddled her. My mom and I tried to comfort her and keep the top half of her body still while they poked around in her feet for a vein. After about 4 tries, they got one! That was the last attempt before they were going for the head. I was so relieved, yet so worried she would move around and end up blowing it so I was watching her very close to make sure she didn't move too much.

At that point they started the antibiotics and Hannah was able to go to sleep. My mom left around 10:30 or so and I pulled out the roll away cot. Hannah rolled over in her sleep and I jumped up to untangle her IV tubes and I figured I would be better off sleeping in her bed with her. Needless to say I didn't sleep too much, but I was right next to her if she needed anything, which was all that mattered. The next morning when she woke up and saw me next to her she was so happy. She squealed "Mama" and put her arms around my neck. That was great. Then she dozed off for another hour and woke up very unhappy. I think she realized we were still there. She slapped her bed a couple times. She does this sometimes when she is angry.

The next day (Saturday) they applied warm compresses to the infection several times to try and bring it to head. It never looked like it was something they could drain, they felt it was a deeper infection, not something on the surface like the kids had in the past. And hers had spread a bit. The swollen area didn't, but the red surface area had grown quite a bit by that time. They continued with the IV antibiotics and Motrin every 6 hours. Hannah spent the day playing with toys and watching DVDs. Nana took Zach for the day and for a sleepover so that Chris was able to come spend the day at the hospital with us. With H1N1 so bad right now, they don't even allow siblings to come visit. We took Hannah for a walk in a wagon, she enjoyed being out of her room. She loved drinking chocolate milk. It is not something she ever gets, so she liked that. They told us in the early afternoon to expect to be there one more night since the infection wasn't improving. The pediatrician that saw her on Friday came by to check on a patient of his and was surprised to see us there. He came in and checked on her and looked at the infection. He told the nurse to make a note for the doctor treating her that "it does not just look worse... it looks significantly worse". That wasn't pleasant to hear. He told them he wanted another ultrasound done to see if they could see puss. The rest of the day was about the same. Hannah was such a trooper. She did a lot of coloring, playing with a doll house that they had there, and watching movies.

The next morning the doctor came in and said she would be going home that day. I asked about the ultrasound and he didn't seem like he wanted to have it done and I said her pediatrician wanted it, so he went ahead and ordered it. The results were the same, just fluid. About 1 or so my brother showed up to visit. We started chatting with him and packing our stuff up. I asked the doctor what to do if it looks like it comes to a head. Do I drain it? He said that would not happen, there was no puss in there, but no, not to drain it. She would be on an oral antibiotic and to follow up with her pediatrician in 2 days. We finally got out of there around 2pm. We were so happy to get home. Hannah was tired, so we lounged around the house and took a little nap. Nana brought Zach home. That night I gave Hannah a bath and the thing looked like it needed to drain, it had a white head to it (so much for no puss). I didn't touch it though. The next morning I stayed home from work and I called the peds office when they opened and talked to the doctor who had been seeing her. I explained what was going on and asked if they wanted to see her. They said no, just take her to the ER. She would need to be sedated and have it cut open, drained and packed. We start getting ready to head to the hospital and Hannah said she needed to go potty. There was some drainage in her diaper and as she is going potty, it literally starts dripping into the toilet (having dealt with this before, I know that if it is draining, it doesn't need to be cut open and drained). I laid her down and just kept wiping the puss away as it came, I didn't force anything. I would guess probably 3 tablespoons came out of that poor baby girl. I called the ped back and explained again. Telling them that I really thought maybe they could look at her before I put her through the ordeal of the ER. They agreed and we went in. They cultured it and it did end up being MRSA . They had me just continue with hot baths a couple times a day and to keep draining it. There wasn't much left at that point and it healed really quickly. She is still pretty traumatized and when she needs to be changed she says "No touch my owie", but she is healed.

Wordless Wednesday

2009-10-07T21:29:00.000-07:00

Soccer - Season 2

2009-09-18T20:21:00.000-07:00

Soccer season is upon us again. This year we decided to go a different route. We thought Zach would do better with peers his own age, rather than a big group of kids all the way up to their late teens. We got him all signed up earlier in the summer. We asked the league if they would let him play in the U5 league. He was only about a month too old but they refused. They said he could only play in U6. No biggie. We went ahead with it. Zach was very excited to start playing again.

We went out to the first practice last week. Zach was excited and ran up to the group of kids. He turned and said "Hi, I Zach!". No one responded. I think they were all concentrating, but still. Zach did well for about 10 minutes, then lost interest. He participated somewhat for the practice but not too much. He didn't quite get the drills they were doing. The majority of the kids on the team played last year so they all kind of knew the ropes, so to speak. After practice there was a kick off party for the season where we picked up jerseys. We pulled the coach aside and told him that we didn't think it was a good fit and maybe Zach wasn't ready. He encouraged us to stick with it and that Zach not listening and his minimum participation didn't bother him. That made me happy. We got his jersey. That weekend was the first game. He did great the first quarter. Just kind of chased the group. I felt really good about it and thought maybe he would fit in. He would be happy just chasing everyone around. He sat out the 2nd (there was a sub). He loved snack time. The 2nd half he wanted nothing to with it anymore. He refused to participate and kept taking off. Chris and I left very frustrated. Not because he didn't play, but because he was so defiant when we tried to encourage him. After thinking about it a lot that day and shedding a few tears, I was convinced that he should finish the season and lots of kids act that way in that age group. I did not want to be a quitter and be the parent of the "special" kid that pulled him out as soon as it didn't work. Zach said he did not want to play soccer anymore.

Practice this week was good for about 10 minutes. He followed the drills well. Then he just refused to do anything again and kept taking off running so one of the coaches was constantly chasing him. It was really frustrating and embarrassing. No other child was doing this and I felt very judged by the other parents. I am sure it was all in my head, but it just didn't feel right. I felt like we were forcing Zach into something he didn't want. The experience wasn't positive and just had me and Chris in a funk the whole evening. I think it also hurt me to hear one of the kids asking their parents "why does that kid keep doing that?". I decided that this is not a good fit. This is not how it should be. It should not be forced. It should not be something that causes us to be frustrated and short tempered for the rest of the evening. I emailed his coach from last season and asked if she would have us back. We got a very excited email back saying to please come back. They have gotten more young kids this year and they are able to split them up into a younger group and older group.

Today we went to practice. It was so refreshing. One of the new players was a boy from Zach's preschool class that Zach just adores. Zach did so much better. And when he didn't want to participate, it was ok. The other kids didn't care. The parents didn't care. Zach got hugs from other players. Several hugs. He never got so much as a "Hi" from a player on the other team. It just felt right. I still feel slightly... guilty is not the right word... but in the back of my mind I feel like we bailed when it didn't go right. But it just didn't seem worth the frustration we were feeling every time we dealt with it. The first game with his old team is tomorrow. I will be sure to update and post pictures.

Wordless Wednesday

2009-09-16T11:13:00.000-07:00

As heard...

2009-09-15T11:10:00.000-07:00

The other night Hannah was taking a shower with me. I called Chris to come in so I could tell him to close our bedroom window. I didn't want to walk in our room, in a towel, and frighten the neighbors. A few moments later Hannah starts calling...

H: "Chris, Chris"

Me: He is your daddy, you don't call him Chris, you call him Daddy

H: "Daddy! Daddy!"

....A few minutes later....

H: "Zach! Zach! No... Big Brother! Big Brother!"

I thought it was brilliant that she put together that I had told her to call her daddy not by his name, but by relation and she did the same with Zach.

Happy 2nd Birthday Hannah !!

2009-09-12T19:43:00.000-07:00

Hannah Rose,

I can't believe 2 years has gone by since you came into my world. It seems like just yesterday, although I can't remember what life was like without you. You have such a wild spirit and loving soul. You are so much fun and I love the bond we share.

Happy Birthday my sweet girl. I love you so much!

Kindergarten!!!

2009-08-24T19:42:00.000-07:00

Today was the first day of kindergarten for Zachary. He did wonderful. His teacher emailed me and told me that he did really well. Here are some pictures from the big day...

He made this hat at school, it says "I was a star on my first day of kindergarten"

Like father like son....

2009-08-20T09:52:00.000-07:00

Zach got a really cool big boy skateboard for his birthday. He bugs us constantly to ride it. He doesn't quite have the stability to do much on it but it doesn't stop him from trying and giving me a heart attack. Doesn't he look so grown up?!? He had fun trying and did best when he sat on his bottom and rolled around on it.

Ta Da!

Say What?!?

2009-08-17T20:57:00.001-07:00

Wordless Wednesday

2009-07-29T08:43:00.001-07:00

A few pictures from our weekend....

2009-07-27T08:55:00.000-07:00

Zach got his backpack and wagon packed up, his shoes and hat on, and was ready to go. I can't remember where he said he was going, but apparently you don't need pants there!

Hannah layed her babies down for a nap, covered them with a blankie, and read them a book.

Hannah got a tea party set for her birthday last year and we finally pulled it out for them to play with. She is so into pretending lately I knew they would have a blast with it. They spent SO much time playing with it.

Wordless Wednesday

2009-07-15T08:31:00.001-07:00

4th of July!!

2009-07-12T20:18:00.000-07:00

We had a nice low key 4th of July this year. We went and spent some time playing at the beach. Watched some of the fireworks til the kids got too tired. And overall had a fun day with beautiful weather. The last couple years we were pretty fogged in, so it was a nice change.

Here are some pics of the kids. Hope you all had a great 4th!!

Chris was making the kids laugh so I could get them smiling and I just love the excitement all over this one

Hannah's not too big on the ocean these days, but she loves getting sandy

Zach on the other hand LOVES the ocean

Waiting for fireworks to start

Wordless Wednesday

2009-07-01T13:35:00.001-07:00

Party Time!

2009-06-24T20:17:00.000-07:00

We celebrated Zach's birthday with a party at the local park with friends and family. The kids had fun playing, eating cake, and being together.

Zach arriving at his party

Posing with his skateboarder cake that he picked out

Loving the attention while everyone sings to him

Cake aftermath (I don't know who handed out the cake, but somehow both my kids ended up with pieces with the black frosting!!!)

Getting ready to open presents

Bowing as he was saying "Thank you" to his guests

As heard....

2009-06-22T09:43:00.000-07:00

Driving home from Target yesterday

Chris: Thanks for being such a good boy at the store Zach

Zach: My pleasure Dad

Happy 5th Birthday Zachary!!!!!!!!!!

2009-06-15T12:20:00.000-07:00

Zach,

5 years ago you made me a mom. Little did I know how much my life would change by your presence. You have taught me to look at life different. To look at people different. To accept differences. To love completely. Everyday you amaze me with your determination and your whole hearted love. I admire the pure joy that takes over your whole body and the sparkle in your eye when you get excited about something. You have been the most influential person on my life and I love you more than words can describe.

Per your request, tonight we will be dining on hot dogs, french fries and beans.

I love you buddy. Keep reaching for the sky!

"You Are My Sunshine"

2009-06-12T08:24:00.000-07:00

The Wiggle Dance

2009-06-10T10:05:00.000-07:00

Wordless (for the most part) Wednesday

2009-05-13T10:21:00.000-07:00

Trying to get it back...

2009-05-08T15:33:00.000-07:00

... my blogging mojo that is. As I am sure you have all noticed (all 2 or 3 people that actually read this), I haven't been blogging much. Partially because I haven't wanted to, partially because we haven't had a lot going on. But I feel the need for a post... so here goes...

Zach is going to be 5 soon. FIVE! How did that happen? He will be starting kindergarten this fall. After months of deliberation, we have made our choice on his placement for his entry to elementary school. It was a hard decision. Here's why. Part of me wanted to push for regular, fully integrated kindergarten. I feel like he would adapt well to his "typically developing" peers and he would learn well from them. And I feel like as his mother, and his advocate, I had to push for that right? We went and toured the special ed class in our district (I don't think they call it special ed anymore, I am sure it has a much more PC name). We weren't overly impressed with it. It was kind of tucked in the back of the school. Kind of the way we remember the special ed classes when we were in school, which was... oh I don't know... a couple decades ago. It was a neat class. The teacher and aides seemed awesome. We left there more confused. With his pre-school class (which is also the special ed class of the district), we walked in and fell in love. We knew he would thrive there and knew that was it. No questions asked. We didn't get that feeling from this class. After talking through different options with his teachers, and amongst ourselves, we decided on the special ed class for next year. One of our biggest reasons is that with budget cuts, the K classes are likely to have 30 kids per class. That is a lot for any teacher to deal with. In the special ed program, they aren't taking any budget hits, and he will get much more one on one time which I think will greatly benefit Zach. We had his IEP today and there are many of his goals that deal with integration. So he will do some classes (art, music, etc) in the regular kindergarten class. Our hope is that next year, maybe he will be ready to transition into a regular ed class. Maybe repeat kindergarten in the regular class. That remains to be seen. For now, it is nice that the decision is made.

We also signed Zach up for soccer again. This year we opted out of the special needs league. While it is a great team, we thought he would do better with kids his own size and age. Playing next to teenagers that were 4 times his size just wasn't a great fit. So, he is all signed up to play in the Under 6 team and games will start this fall.

Zach's speech has been taking off lately. His pronunciation of words has been noticibly better in the last few weeks even. We are so proud of him and how hard he's worked, and for putting up with us not understanding him. Zach is such a smart kid that he has all these thoughts in his head he just can't always find the words to express his thoughts.

Hannah is almost 20 months old. She is a (as a friend recently called her) "little ball of fire". She talks like she is much older than she is. She speaks complete sentences and repeats everything you say. At her last doctor appointment (about a month ago) she was 30 lbs, 34 1/2 inches tall. She loves to color and draw, play in the dirt, and kick a soccer ball. She gets in trouble for picking the flowers in the yard at daycare and when asked about it she says "Pretty!" and tries to put them back on their stems.

Her and her brother are such a pair. They play wonderfully together and you can see their true love for eachother. If one isn't in sight, the other is asking for them.

Here are a few recent pictures:

This picture isn't spectacular of them, but I want to explain. It was like 100 degrees that day and they were hanging out watching a cartoon, Chris and I were doing something in the kitchen and I go to check on them and Zach is running his fingers through her hair and she was just loving it

I just love her eye lashes in this picture

Zach talking to a baby at a family function.......

...... right before pimpin his sister out to him (love the looks on her face)

We were out of town, and they were supposed to be sleeping, I went in the room and found this

Hugs (and actually if you look close, he is kissing the top of her head)

Wordless Wednesday

2009-05-06T08:47:00.001-07:00

Wordless Wednesday

2009-03-25T08:13:00.001-07:00

Fun at the beach

2009-03-08T21:39:00.000-07:00

Yesterday we spent the day at moms for my birthday (today is actually my birthday, but we celebrated over there yesterday). We took the kids down to the beach for a walk to find some shells and rocks. They found some little pools of water around some big rocks and they had a blast getting soaked.

Staph Infection

2009-03-07T21:01:00.000-08:00

I took this past Friday off. Partially because our daycare was closed and I decided to give my mom a break, and partially because I wanted to take Zach to the doctor. He's had these little pimples on his bottom lately. Not a huge deal, he gets a pimple in that region from time to time. He had one that looked pretty icky so I wanted to ask the doctor if there is anything I can put on them to treat them. He also still has the green snot running continuously and has been restless at night, so I wanted the doctor to check his ears.

I am glad I made the appointment on Thursday because by Friday one of the pimples looked pretty bad and for a few days, he wouldn't even want to sit on it. And he kept telling me "my bum hurt". We go in, the doctor tells me it is a staph infection. He must have scratched a pimple and had dirt under his nails, or something like that.

You have got to be kidding me. Can this kid ever get a break?!?

The only times I had heard of staph infections, they have included hospitalizations for several days. Come to find out they are much more common than I had known.

Anyway, for now, the treatment is that he needs to take a warm bath at night and I need to drain it. Luckily I am kind of a freak and that doesn't bother me at all. It does hurt my heart at how bad it hurts my little man. He screams so bad, like he is being beat or something. I know it hurts him, so I don't really blame him. The amount of goo that comes out has to be some sort of pressure relief though.

The doctor told me of a couple things to keep an eye out for, and if I see those things, we are to take him to the ER right away. I am just praying that doesn't happen and it clears up soon!

As heard in the Hiatt house...

2009-03-04T11:36:00.000-08:00

Last night I was cleaning the kids up after dinner. I was getting the washcloth wet and I said "who's first?".
Zach: "Baby".
So I got Hannah all cleaned up and out of her highchair. I went to rinse out the washcloth and as I was doing it I said "who's next?"
Zach: "ME!"
Me: "who's me?"
Zach: "ME!"
Me: "who's me?"
Zach: "THE BOY!"
Me: "who's the boy?"
Zach: "Zach"

I love that kid

The house of sickies ... Part 2

2009-02-14T21:18:00.000-08:00

Let's see where we left off...

Hannah had a cold, Chris and I were fighting a cold, Zach was just getting over his terrible illness. I blogged about that on Tuesday.

So Thursday I stayed home. Wednesday I was miserable at work. I was coughing, sneezing, runny eyes, the works. Thursday morning I still felt terrible so I decided to try and sleep it off. Hannah had been feeling better, so Chris took both kids to daycare on his way to work. He let Cindy know that if Hannah had any problems, for her to call me but I was going to try and get some rest. At 9:30 I got the call that Hannah was miserable and asking for me. I went and got her and needless to say I didn't get any rest. But we did have a nice day home sick together. During one of her screaming fits I noticed that she was cutting a tooth. It made sense since she was drooling like crazy. Her nose was still running a bit but it was running clear.. not unusual when Hannah cuts a tooth.

Thursday night Zach was showing signs of the cold. Green in the corners of his eyes and green runny nose. Yippie!

Both kids had a good night, so Friday they went to daycare/preschool. They had fun and had their Valentines parties. Friday night was fine. Hannah woke up screaming at 5am Saturday morning.

We went out to run an errand and I was holding her while she was throwing a fit and noticed blood in her ear. We took her to the ER.

Being we were all out together and the hospital is in another city, Zach came with us to the hospital. We thought he would freak since he hates hospitals but he was so good there. Every time Hannah was upset and crying he would come over and try to put his hand on her and said "I know baby, I know". He is so sweet.

She ruptured an eardrum and had ear infections in both ears. When she was seen Monday afternoon her ears looked fine, so this came on sometime this week. The doctor prescribed her an antibiotic in the hospital and it was in the form of 2 shots, one in each thigh. Hannah obviously was not happy about that. Thankfully the nurses did it at the same time. They kept us there about 30 minutes after that to be sure she didn't have an allergic reaction. Luckily she fell asleep right after the shots so she wasn't screaming and thrashing around anymore. We were able to leave and she slept the whole way home. When we got home we sat down to have lunch. Hannah's body was shivering constantly. It scared the crap out of me. She was very dazed and kinda zoned out, but she was eating. When she would stop eating for a minute and her whole bottom lip would just quiver. I freaked and called the ER in hopes that the nurse or doctor would talk to me. Luckily the nurse took my call. She didn't feel it was an allergic reaction to the meds, and she put me on hold and went and talked to the doctor that treated Hannah. She mentioned that sometimes people shiver before they get a fever, or sometimes even in reaction to meds. After talking to her I felt better and the shivers did stop not long after. It also made me remember that I had that reaction to meds when I was in labor with one of my kids. Somehow I had totally forgotten about that.

Anyhow, hopefully this is the beginning of the end. My cold is gone for the most part. The head junk is gone, now I just have a lingering raw throat feeling going on. Only time will tell with Zach.. whether or not this is going to turn into a full blown cold.

If you made it this far, I leave you with a picture of my sickies... this was one night this week after their baths:

The house of sickies

2009-02-10T12:08:00.000-08:00

I haven't been up to blogging lately. We have had way too many illnesses going on.

2 weeks ago, Zach was sick. Like miserable, lethargic sick that I have not seen in years. It started on a Saturday night. He was sounding really croupy (a sound we know all too well) and Zach was so uncomfortable he was wiggling all over his bed and ended up getting stuck between the footboard and the mattress. We got him out and Chris took Zach outside for a little walk in the cold air. That helped him alot. He was able to go back to sleep. Then Wednesday night he was miserable, couldn't sleep, snot everywhere, and his breathing sounded icky.

I stayed home with him Thursday and took him to the doctor. We got him an early appointment and got there right about 9:30. Right after I checked him in, he puked in the waiting room. I was able to catch most of it in my hands (YUCK!). I think he just had so much snot that he was swallowing that it upset his tummy. We go in and see the doctor. The junk hadn't gone into his chest (luckily it usually never does) so the doctor gave him a liquid steroid since his airway still sounded irritated. He said this should snap him right out of it and if it didn't to bring him back in Friday so we didn't go into the weekend like this.

We check out and go out to the van. I got Zach all strapped in his carseat and I could see that look all over his face. The look every mom knows. The look that says "I am about to puke". I yanked him out of the van just in time for him to puke all over the parking lot. The nurse came out and we cleaned him up. I got Zach loaded back up to go home and the whole time he was telling the nurse "sorry, sorry, sorry". We get home and he puked 3 more times. Luckily each time he was in the kitchen. I guess Zach thought the fronts of my cabinets needed a scrub. He sat down to watch TV and he fell asleep in his chair around 10:30am.

I moved him to the couch so he would be more comfy

About an hour into his nap he crawled to the floor and threw up again. Luckily I had time to grab a bucket. He fell back asleep on the floor and didn't want to be moved.
He slept there until about 1:30. He woke up and ate some toast and had some juice. Kind of hung out all day and watched cartoons. Didn't have much energy for anything. That night he was still miserable and couldn't sleep so Chris stayed home with him Friday and took him back in. This time they gave him a steroid shot so he couldn't puke it up and they said the dreaded sentence we never want to hear.... "It could be RSV, we are going to test for that" (for anyone that doesn't know, Zach spent 5 days in the hospital, in isolation, with RSV so those 3 little letters bring back horrid memories). The way they test for RSV is by testing snot. Chris and the doctor held Zach down and they almost filled a urine cup with Zach's snot (I thought Chris was exagerating when he told me how much snot they pulled out, but when our doctor called on Saturday to check on Zach, he told me). Anyway, the RSV test was negative. And the doc called in a prescription for Amoxicillin to help clear up the junk Zach had going on. By Saturday, it was like we had a new kid. Saturday Chris had an all day soccer tournament. When he got home, Zach ran to the door and said "Daddy... I all better!"

Luckily Hannah dodged that sickness. Now, she has her own thing going on. She has a terrible cold. We took her in yesterday because she sounded terrible and she has green ickies coming out of her eyes. The doc checked her all out and said she just has the yucky cold going around right now. She is in good spirits, other then when I try and clean her eyes and nose.

Chris and I are both battling colds right now too.

I just hope the germies all leave our house soon!!

Hannah Update

2009-01-20T20:57:00.001-08:00

Hannah had her 15 month appointment yesterday. Yes, I am aware she is now 16 months old. I just somehow spaced that there is a 15 month well baby check up.

She is 29 lbs 7 oz and 33 inches long. The Doctor and I were talking about all her milestones, the fact that she speaks sentences, follows directions well and acts like she is a 2 year old. He said "she is a very smart child" he chuckled a little and then said with a smile on his face "you're screwed!"
I love our pediatrician. He also always tells me how cute and perfect my kids are. I am sure he would tell me that if they had 4 faces, 8 arms and something growing out of their foreheads, but it is still nice to hear someone in the industry tell me how cute my kids are.

Hannah is a ball of energy. She loves to run, color, paint, kick a soccer ball, scream, throw fits and play with her brother. She loves Dora. She got Dora slippers for Christmas and she wears them all the time. She brings them to us and sits down and says and signs "please". She is an amazing little girl. I love you Hannah Rose!!!

The worst thing I have seen to date.....

2009-01-18T20:20:00.000-08:00

This afternoon I saw the most horrific thing I have ever seen. Let me back the story up a little.

Our house is in a little cluster of 5 houses. We all come in a common driveway and then our individual driveways stem off from there. The house directly across from us is a rental. There is a mom and her 13 year old son living there right now that have been nothing but a headache.

So this afternoon a huge Ford F250 truck pulls in. He pulls in the driveway sideways and parks, which was cool because then his truck wasn't hanging out into the shared driveway. He gets out of the truck smoking a cigar and gets his kids out of the backseat. I hate when people smoke in the car with their kids, but whatever. He grabs his case of beer and goes inside. After a little bit, he cracks a beer and he starts doing her yard work. Not a big deal.

We take off and run some errands. About an hour later we come back and the truck was sticking out into the shared driveway. Again, not a big deal, we had room to get by, just couldn't make the wide turn into our driveway to get passed our other car and get in the garage, but we could manage. When he saw us coming, the guy jumped in his truck and proceeds to pull forward. What he didn't realize, is his 4ish year old son was right in front of his truck playing on a skateboard. I was in our van looking directly at his front tire and seeing this child and I was saying "oh my gosh, he is going to hit his kid". I couldn't believe it. Before I could even think to do anything, I see his little legs appear under the tire as he is still pulling forward. We roll our windows down and start screaming "BACK UP BACK UP". By this point, the kid who lives there, who was standing right next to the child but apparently is that oblivious, noticed. And he also yelled to back up. Once he backed his massive truck off his kid, we offered to call 911. He said that he would take care of it. I still can't stop thinking of this kid, his lifeless legs and his screams when his dad picked him up and carried him in the house. We don't know whether or not he took him to the hospital, but I highly doubt that kid made it through that without injury.

Sad but True

2009-01-17T20:10:00.000-08:00

Kids will be mean. It is just the nature of the beast. Today at a birthday party, a child from daycare who Zach loves and admires was mean to him. Could have happened to any kid, any day. Extra chromosome or not. I think it just made me sad because it makes me worry even more about his future and how kids will treat him.

Here is what happened. Zach and a couple boys were in the bedroom putting pipe pieces together. Zach was down at one end trying to put 2 pipes together, but he didn't have a connector. I went back to check on them and this boy told me "I want him to leave, Zach is just messing everything up, I don't want him to play with us". I asked Zach is he wanted to come out and play in the other room and he said "No Mama, I building". So I let him stay, he wasn't hurting anything and he was being good. A few minutes later I went back and this child didn't see me, and he is standing over Zach with a pipe getting ready to hit him. He turned and saw me and I said "were you going to hit him?" and he said "yes, he won't listen to me".

Now I know.... this can happen to any child. It just made me really sad that he was not wanted. And it makes me sad to realize that he probably gets treated like that more often than I know about. At school. At daycare. How much of it does he pick up on and realize is happening?

I just wish kids, and people in general, weren't so mean.